Fire! Ha ha just kidding. Dead Battery.

A few things, that I am going to present in list form, because lists are awesome. True story.

1. I think my feet gave up on me. I expect to wake up in the morning with two stubs and a suicide note.
2. I want to call home a la Biggest Loser. NOBODY is ever that excited to hear from me. I want to hire someone who is always THAT excited to talk to me. I feel like it is something I am missing in my life. A personal phone cheerleader.
3. My smoke alarm just went off for no apparent reason and I am now convinced that I am going to die in my sleep. HOLY FUCK IT JUST DID IT AGAIN. This is a real live crisis here. Send help. And maybe the fire department. Wait...definitely the fire department.
4. The half asleep boy has fixed it, after I had to tell him to turn it to his right like 17 times. In his defense, he was half asleep. In my defense, I am short and could not find the step stool.
5. I just spent 10 minutes holding two shaking, crying dogs and telling them repeatedly that everything was going to be OK. I DO NOT OWN TOY POODLES PEOPLE. Tomorrow: get my dogs some mother fucking balls.
6. I forgot everything this post was supposed to be about. Stupid fire alarms.