Wednesday, January 27, 2010

You are about to read too much information and a large amount of oversharing. You have been warned.

Any men who read this blog should stop. Seriously. There is no lesbian orgy play by play about to happen. You have been warned.

I had the yearly gyno appointment today and there is something that has plagued me for all of my adult life...why do they ask if you have to use the restroom before you enter "the room?" Do they think that when she shoves the cold metal contraption into your cooter you are just going to start peeing on her face? (I prefer the female, you know, her.) I mean, are there people out there with that little control that they don't know until they are peeing? I mean, if I had to pee, I would be all, I have to pee, yo. Bathroom?

I get that it could be related to removal of feminine hygiene products. BUT I had one experience where the two collided and they told me to take care of it in the room. Was that too much information? Am I the elephant in the room? I feel like I over-shared.

I just really don't understand this. I need help. Please give me a logical reason why this is THE ONLY place where I am asked if I have to do something in the bathroom before I proceed. I want to ask them, but I only see them once a year and you all put up with my bullshit weekly. Therefore, I feel you are more tolerant and less likely to tell ALL your friends about it. And then point and laugh when I return.

Because, let's be honest...the small talk while some one's fingers are doing the internal exam is enough humiliation for one year, thank you very much.


Bradshaw said...

See, even if I have JUST GONE when I go in there, I always feel like I have to pee while I'm all propped up in the stirrups. Maybe it's the whole unintentional stimulation of nerves that make you feel like you have to pee, so if you already had to go, it could make that sensation unbearable, and let's face it, the sensation isn't exactly what I'd call pleasant anyway.

Does that make any sense to anyone but me?

Big Jed said...

Yesterday when I went, I decided NOT to take them up on the offer to pee. And then when I was in the exam room I peed RIGHT ON THE DOCTOR'S FACE. Maybe it was because she told me that I had a perfect uterus and I got excited.

krackle said...

My doctor does not ask me if I need to use the bathroom before I go back. I think that the practice I attend feel confident that I am a grown adult, have done this many times and will take care of that on my own if needed. Your doctors are weird. :)