Sunday, January 24, 2010

I promise I will never teach origami.

I spent a good part of the afternoon reflecting and reevaluating, trying to figure out why I have been in this funk lately. I haven't felt like me. A lot of it is the season. I am not going to say that I have Seasonal Affective Disorder because I have never even spoken with a doctor about it, but I do tend to struggle through the winter months. Not in a bad way, necessarily. I believe that changes in mood are healthy. I sleep more. I am more prone to be sad or depressed. I miss my family back home. I pull away from people and isolate myself more than usual. Spring will come and I will feel rejuvenated and full of energy. It's just my process and I am fine with it.

It's more than that, though. I feel like the old me, the operations analyst sitting at a desk all day me. I have been going through the motions, uninspired and exhausted.

Last term, I was learning from two chefs who loved food, talked about food, talked about places they ate at, places they worked, told industry stories. Their love for food had me hanging on every single word, because I feel that way. I can name, in seconds, the 5 best bites of food I have ever eaten and where I ate them. In order:

Smoked Beef Tenderloin "Carpaccio"- Trattoria la Tavola (now closed)
Beef Tenderloin - Barcelona
Yummy Roll - Sushi Dot Com
Spicy Calamari - Cap City Diner
Crab Cakes - Ocean Club

Our chefs this term? Yes, the lead instructor has owned restaurants, famous restaurants, won awards, and been published. He is accomplished. But, he lacks a passion for food. They both do. They don't talk about it with love, their eyes don't light up. Consequently, my inspiration is dwindling. That feeling of waking up in the morning with a skip in my step is gone.

It is just one term, I realize that. I will get through it, this is what I am meant to do and nothing will stop me. I have that passion, I have that love for food that sometimes consumes everything that I am.

But if you don't? If your eyes don't light up every single time you talk about what you want to spend the rest of your life doing? Maybe you shouldn't teach it. And maybe you should find that thing, grab on, and never let go. But, mostly, don't teach it.


Anonymous said...

Keep your head up yo!

Erratic said...

Thanks, yo! Where the hell have you been? Or have I been? Either way...I see happy hour on the horizon...

Bradshaw said...

So every time you post, you creep me out. Not so much on the food thing, but on the "hey we're really similar with the being kinda down in the dark and gloomy months of winter but won't call it Seasonal Affect Disorder b/c no doctor has diagnosed it" thing. Weird.

Me? Concise today.

Krackle said...

I am feeling that way lately too. I thought it was just the left over reactions from being hit by a car, but maybe it is more.

whimsy said...

I know exactly what you're saying. Seriously, I've noticed the lack of love from the chefs. That and Brady's a douche canoe. Anthony Bourdain is what's keeping me alive this term. That and alcoholism. Maybe a little more the latter than the former...

Erratic said...

You guys are awesome...thanks for making me feel like I am not alone in this whole winter blues thing. Maybe we should all meet in Cali for the weekend. :)