Sunday, January 3, 2010

Things I don't understand, 2010 edition. Also, the first edition.

Why people 20 or more years older than me insist on calling me girlfriend. Or "Hey girl" or anything else that sounds "hip" but is actually not. I do not talk like this. If I ever walk up to someone and say, "Hey girlfriend," I have had a seizure or stroke or mental breakdown and you should assist me in seeking medical help. Like, soon.

Shamwow. I mean, what?

People who air their bullshit on Facebook via enraged and inappropriate status messages that make me uncomfortable while sitting in my own living room. Also? People who confess undying and possibly stalker-like love via Facebook. Your status messages should be more like, hey guys, I just did something utterly uninteresting but OMG IT WAS AWESOME. Trust me...much more appropriate.

Why my Christmas tree still exists, despite my attempts to blow it up with my mind ALL DAY. Seriously, blowing things up with my mind should work.

Burt's Bee's Pomegranate Chap stick is the epitome of awesome...I did not think it possible to improve upon their regular mint formula. I want to find Burt and do bad, bad things to his bees.

The entire Kardashian family.

How the women on the bachelor STILL cry because everyone is SO FAKE. You are on television...competing for a man's love...Captain Obvious just slapped you in the face...and then punched you in the uterus.


whimsy said...

Does this mean that greeting you "Hey,girl" as a flaming 21 year old gay man is NOT ok? Seriously, I need to know, as I do it to EVERYONE.

Erratic said...

No, you are still allowed to do that. It is more when my 65 year old aunt comments on something on facebook and starts the post with "Hey girlfriend."

Bradshaw said...

I say "guuurl" and snap really big if I'm making a point. But just for funsies. Don't hate me for that.

Erratic said...

I am creating mass controversy. Yes, by mass I mean two people. I don't have a lot of readers, K? It's the people who do it seriously...thinking it makes them look cool.

Oye. Is there a way to go back in time and be more specific? haha