Friday, July 20, 2012

Common Sense and Batman

The tragedy that happened in Colorado earlier was just that, a tragedy. A crazy person did a crazy thing. I feel terrible for the victims and their families and I hope that they are able to find peace and health soon.

This post is not about that. I mean, it is. This post is about me being pissed off and ranty. That is now a verb. Deal.

We were all standing out back at work tonight having an impromptu meeting. The subject changed to the shooting and a coworker I will refer to as SoCal (surprisingly not the same person I was talking about in my last post) mentioned that a four month old was among the shooting victims. I instantly said, "What the fuck was a four month old doing at a midnight premiere?"

His response was something along the lines of, you aren't a parent, so you don't understand. 

I get this. I really do. I am not a parent. I don't understand what sacrifices parents make. 

Is there ever a situation where I can't wait until the next day to see a movie over dragging my four month old son to a midnight showing? I consider myself on a scale of 1 to wearing a Hogwarts robe, about an 8. I get fandom. I truly get it. But, my 4 month old son would come first.

I do not have kids. I have no idea what kind of parent I will be, if and when I become a parent. Maybe I am judging someone when I will turn around and do the same fucking thing. And could there be anything more annoying than a childless person judging your parenting abilities? I doubt it.

But it is equally annoying to have someone tell you that you don't understand because you don't have kids. I still have common sense. And common sense tells me that a midnight showing of Batman is not really an awesome place for a four month old. 

Maybe I really don't get it. Maybe I am that ass hole commenting on something I know nothing about. And if  I am...well, I guess my bad.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Some may say spider...I say homicidal bear.

  1. There is a spider on my ceiling and the cat won't stop meowing and I can't kill it because I am TERRIFIED of spiders. Yes, this is an irrational fear and yes I am a rational person, but I can't help it. I don't want to be scared of spiders, but I am. And I am also now scared of my dining room.
  2. We are getting the estimates rolling in for the repair to the house from when the tree fell on it. It's going to be around $30k. Yes, you read that right. They have to completely rebuild our chimney from the basement up. I have never been happier to have homeowners insurance.
  3. I am doing the color run with Big Jed on Saturday and I am so excited!!! I think that this is going to be so much fun and hope it becomes a tradition! I am a little scared that I am not going to be able to get the color out of my hair/skin/clothes, but not worried enough not to do it!
  4. It's official...I have flip flop tan lines. This makes me very happy because it means I have been outside doing things instead of inside blogging and drinking beer. OK, I have been doing both. But, I am quite proud of my flip flop tan lines.
  5. I forgot about twitter again. I think I am just not very good at random thoughts. I like reading other people's, but mine always seem so mundane. Like, hey, guys, I am watering my flowers and drinking a beer. You can find me doing this every single day at about 5:15. Nobody cares. Maybe I have become dull? Not sure. I REALLY want to be into twitter. I just fail at it.
  6. We have this new girl at work that is from Southern California and talks exactly like you would expect someone from Southern California to talk. She calls people bro. And she NEVER. STOPS. TALKING. This is my favorite thing about working with all guys. We are all quiet. We talk and joke around, but when it is busy in our kitchen, you hear NOTHING except calls back and forth to get the food out. It's perfection. When she is there, relentless chatter about her ex girlfriend or how she wants to paint boobs on her station and play with them when no one is there. WHY DID SHE TELL ME THAT? Her very next sentence? "My dad told me today that he was prepared to die." Seriously. It is just one random thought after the other and by the time I leave, my ears are bleeding and I am having to take deep breaths so I don't start screaming shut up at her until she cries. 
  7. Summer TV sucks and 50 Shades of Gray has me on this trashy romance novel kick. I have never in my life read anything like these books until 50 Shades happened. Then I was just kind of curious because, well, there is nothing wrong with a little girl porn. I have discovered the plot of every single trashy romance novel: Damaged/Insecure woman falls in love with very hot, very successful, very rich, very well endowed man, has unrealistic animal sex, always come at the same time, man claims woman as "mine," she sees nothing wrong with this assertion, happily every after. I think I am officially over this kick. Back to dragons and elves. (I really have read books of value. I just prefer easy reads on a day to day basis. I read like 4 books a week.)
  8. I am getting a RIDICULOUS amount of spam since I took off that validation thingy. So, I am going to not allow anonymous comments anymore. I know I have IRL friends that post anonymously and I am sorry, but you are just going to have to suck it up and get a google logon. Today I got a you tube video of a guy jerking off. That was sort of my line.
  9. We are contemplating a beer-lympics this fall. I am very excited about this, also scared to play drinking games for an entire day. Sometimes I seem to forget that I am THIRTY YEARS OLD. Not 21. There will definitely be a large amount of food consumed to offset the alcohol.
  10. Upon further investigation, it was a HUGE FUCKING SPIDER. And I couldn't walk under it because then it would fall on me and that is my own personal Arachnophobia, a movie I refuse to watch. So, I stood across the room with my dyson and vacuumed it up. I am resourceful. And a total fucking pussy.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

New Friends

I want to preface this entire post with a disclaimer that I have a tendency to make friends everywhere. Sometimes this is a good thing, sometimes it is a terrible thing. I have been known to hook up total strangers in a bar. Or to go to a random persons house (never alone!) for after hours drinking. I do weird shit. I have good instincts about people and those instincts have never lead me astray. 

Somehow this all happens despite the unusual level of awkward I bring to every situation. Normally all of the random friendships happen while drinking. Today. Not so much.

I went to a historic home tour today with a friend. I got the tickets free because work was sponsoring the event. The instructions were vague. So, we were wandering around trying to find the place to get the map so we actually knew where the fuck we were going...and this woman walked up to us equally lost. We managed to find the place together and decided to tour all 12 homes together. 

And she was awesome. We cracked each other up all afternoon. I decided to invite her to dinner with us, where we found 1000 things we had in common. 

It is so weird to make a friend at 30 years old this way, but I just did. We exchanged numbers, friended each other on Facebook, the whole thing. 

Both sides of my family are this way...just open to talking to anyone. Friendly with everyone. And I absolutely love this about myself. Yes, I sometimes find myself dealing with someone I can't stand that I randomly friended. It definitely happens. But, most of the time...I just find really cool people in really random ways. 

I work with a guy who, quite literally, has no friends. They always joke that I always have plans, I always have things going on, and that it is weird. I don't find it weird. I find comfort in surrounding myself with people I love. I don't care if I have 100 different groups of friends. I don't particularly care if they all know each other. There was a time in my life where I was so lonely it hurt. It physically hurt. It was my fault, I chose to seclude myself. Maybe I am making up for that. I don't know. But everyone in my life just makes me so happy. All of you make me so happy. 

There is nothing wrong with surrounding yourself with people who make you laugh. And I just happened to find someone new who makes me laugh. 

Nobody can ever find too much love, can have too many friends, can have too much fun, right? So, yes, I picked this woman up on the side of the street and spent an entire day with her. Commence hooker jokes. 

But, she made my day better. And that is all that really matters.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Anybody know how to keep hydrangeas alive?

Sometimes I find it really hard to write a post and then I go back and read all your comments and remember why I do this. So, thank you. 

On with the randomness.

Let's summarize the events of the past month of the new house. In no particular order.

Water main broke going into the house, causing water to literally shoot across the basement. City couldn't find water shut off. 

Tree falls on the house.

Said tree knocks off the chimney.


We get city recycling! Woo!

Grandmother/ mothers need to use AOL; infects laptop with death. Laptop crashes. Oh, the crashing.

Work drives into a flaming building while on fire in order to put out the flames. 

I hit my knee REALLY HARD on the wall. This is sort of not that important, but, fuck that bruise won't go away.

Ohio exchanges places with the sun. I sweat out a kidney.


A friend of mine posted a link on my facebook wall of a newspaper article about a house that burned down in my neighborhood. His comment was something along of the lines of "I assume this was your house."

To be honest, if I hadn't been sitting in my house when I saw the article, I would have assumed the same. 

I should be positive. Fucking rainbows and unicorns and shit.

And I am. I look forward to coming home everyday and watering the flowers on the front porch. I am so obsessed with my dining room table, I catch myself ogling it as if it was a Magic Mike commercial.

Which, just, can we talk about that? It's about damn time we got our Striptease. Right? I haven't seen it yet, but I am pretty sure my lady parts are going to explode. Sorry. I just realized I actually typed that. I am also going to leave it. 

But, I love this house, our house. It makes me ridiculously happy and it is slowly but surely feeling like my home. I am not there yet. But, I will get there. It feels good to be here. I love it here.

If shit could stop going wrong, though, that would be great. 

So, I am here. With a temperamental laptop and a dusty house and a well sealed off chimney. And hydrangeas I am struggling to keep alive because I am a terrible gardener and city recycling.

How are all of you?

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Chit chat

I am sitting in the car with my grandmother waiting on my mom to get wine. I refused to go in because I have bought wine the past two days and had the same checkout person and I have to shop there and they think I am a wino.

Anyway, my mom apparently fell in a black hole so I am typing what I am listening to my grandmother say. Enjoy.

I don't really shop at garden ridge. But I bought those bird pillows, so now I will have to go there if I need to return them.

That woman should squeeze her far ass into those tight pants. Oh, her husband is black.

There are a lot of people going in that store and nobody coming out.

I only had two glasses of wine last night. You two drank three bottles.

I don't know how people can afford to smoke. It's so expensive and everybody is always bitching about how poor they are.

Don't let anyone fat sit on your new dining room chairs.

Do you like Maury Povich?

I swear I did not say a word. Until now. That was a resounding no.

Happy 4th of July everyone!

Monday, July 2, 2012

Stormgate 2012

So. I have had a craptastic few days. 

It all started on Friday. Everyone at work was checking the radar on their phones, watching for a huge storm to roll through. All of a sudden, it got dark outside and the apocalypse rolled into Ohio. A power line went down with the wind, causing a massive fire in the middle of the street, right next to the restaurant. Wind blew me against a coworker, knocking both of us over. The news said it was a category 2 hurricane with 80 mph winds. 

I decided to drive home before the rain came. This was smart. I wouldn't have made it home otherwise. Power lines were down everywhere, trees blocked streets. I finally made it home to find a tree laying on my house. It split down the middle, causing half of it to knock off the cap off our chimney. We called the neighbor (it was her tree) and all was well.

Then round two came through Sunday. We stood on the front porch and watched as the tree knocked our chimney off our house. There was nothing we could do. Just watched bricks falling off the house as the living room filled with dust. SO. MUCH. DUST. 

All of this following THE WORST WEEK EVER. Last Wednesday, there was an electrical failure that caused the air conditioner, hoods, and walk in to go out at work. All three needed replacement motors and the hoods were down for three days. 

So, needless to say, it's been a crazy couple of weeks. 

But, today the tree got removed. And the masons came out today to temporarily fix the fireplace. And the neighbor is paying our deductible and it will all work out. 

The city is in a state of disaster. There are people without power until this weekend. People have lost their cars and houses to falling trees. I was down on campus and saw trees I couldn't put my arms around laying in the streets. The damage is pretty bad. 

And we just had a tree on our house.

I am grateful everyone I love is safe and happy. And really fucking grateful there isn't a tree on my house.