The Worst Weekend of My Life (thus far)

This all feels so unreal. The past 5 days have been some of the worst of my life. 

This past Thursday, man-pants showed up to work to find a sign that said "no checks, sorry!" 

Sunday, it was announced that his restaurant was sold and he no longer had a job. 

Monday, he got offered a job at another restaurant in the company for $1.50/hour paycut and a demotion. 

He was promised pay tomorrow and is now getting text messages stating that there is no money to pay them. 

He owes me $450 (which is irrelevant except to state how in the hole he is. I don't care about the money.)

I do not have enough money to pay the remainder of our bills. Between a recently sick cat and the move, we are tapped. 

There is potential that it will be another 3 weeks before he gets paid. 

The owner of his restaurant (different than the owner of mine) was in Nashville on vacation SPENDING THE MONEY THAT WAS NEEDED TO PAY THE STAFF.

I watched man-pants have a panic attack. I have watched his coworkers devastated. I have watched everyone involved with this restaurant have their entire lives turned upside down. 

His 5 month pregnant shift lead was borrowing $20 for gas because she was broke.

I am posting this here not because I need anyone to feel sorry for me, but because I can't vent on social media for fear of losing my job. Everyone in my life is surely sick of hearing me scream about how evil this woman is and how she is destroying lives with a smile on her face. 

AND SHE HAD THE FUCKING BALLS TO CRY OVER HOW MEAN EVERYONE WAS BEING TO HER ON FACEBOOK. 

She hasn't even had the backbone to talk to any of the staff in person, she is forcing the front of house manager to relay all the news. 

I am very fortunate that my family has enough money to help me get through this. VERY FORTUNATE. But, this is how people end up homeless. This is how lives are ruined. 

I have, for the first time, encountered someone who I believe to be truly evil. Someone who has this city fooled, thinking she is a good samaritan and selfless person. She is a local celebrity and loved by everyone (myself included until I started working for this company.)

I am watching man-pants go through all of this, knowing he hates that he has no money and I am supporting him. Knowing that he cared about that place and busted his ass for it makes me sick. 

This whole thing makes me absolutely furiously sick. 

As soon as man-pants finds another job and is on his feet again, my first order of business is doing the same. 

If you know me in person, stop giving this woman your money. I don't care how much you love the food. (You can still come see me at work because she isn't affiliated with my location.) 

And send happy thoughts our way. Mostly happy lottery thoughts. We really need it.

My Fucked Up Romance

Before man-pants and I started dating, he would leave pink post it notes all over my office that just said boner. 

I realize it sounds silly, but it always made me laugh. I would open a notebook or a file and there would just be this pink post it that said boner. 

Our front of house manager frequently drew penises on, well, everything. There are a lot of dick jokes in restaurants. 

Sometime during the first week that we dated, I came home from work to find the bed made and my apartment picked up and a boner note on the bed. I still have it. 

Boner eventually escalated to penis drawings which would be hidden all over whatever station I was working. 

Man-pants last day of work led to this...they were hidden all over everything. The next day, me and a coworker boob bombed his station in retaliation. 

This explanation leads up to one of the sweetest things ever. Our schedules frequently suck ass and we are working opposites. Today, for example, I left for work at 9 am, man-pants was sound asleep. I got off at 5. Man-pants gets off work at 10 pm, about the time that I go to bed because I work at 7 am. One night I was working late and came home to this.

This is the door at the top of the stairs that leads into my apartment. There were little notes like this taped everywhere. 

To the average outsider, we probably look like an insane couple that is kind of mean to each other. But I finally found someone who speaks kitchen. Who gets that a dick drawing is a thousand times sweeter to me than flowers. Who I can be totally blunt and honest with all the time and understands that it isn't mean or spiteful, just honest. 

We are currently living in 450 square feet with a cat and a dog and all of our stuff. 

If you had told me two years ago this was my life, I would have run away screaming. 

I have never been happier.

Catching Up

Where to start? An explanation perhaps? A brief one.

I didn't feel comfortable writing here. I am still not 100% sure that I do. I lost a lot of friends when my relationship with the boy ended, people I did not anticipate losing. People that read this blog. And while I would love to say, fuck them, I don't care what people think...that's not true. And I didn't want my stories, my life just put out there for everyone to read and then gossip about behind my back. But, I guess, in the end, what difference does it make?

I considered starting a new blog, but I didn't really want to do that either. I want to change the face, the feel of this blog for sure. Because I am no longer the person who started this. But a new blog? That feels wrong to me.

I considered just not writing at all anymore. But I miss it. A lot. I miss the connections I have made here. And maybe most of them are gone, which I would totally understand. Hopefully they come back. And maybe, just maybe, I will make some new connections.

If you only know me from the blogging world, I am still out there reading. I still think about all of you and love you all dearly. I have literally just had a phone at my disposal for almost a year.

And it's funny, my neighbor offered to take a look at my laptop and fixed it in 10 minutes. No clue what she did, but I am ever so grateful.

So, let me summarize the past year of my life.

I changed everything. And I mean, everything. All changes that I have felt inside of me for a long time. I am not going to dwell on the past and lament about the series of mistakes that ended with me in a life I never wanted. A life I tried to make the best of and couldn't. All that matters is now. No matter how crazy everyone thinks I went, which I know they do. Those that have spoken to me since this all happened know that I am the happiest I have ever been. And THAT is what matters.

That wasn't all that brief. We all know how long winded I can be.

I just got back from a week in St. Louis that I needed SO BADLY. It has been over three years since I had more than 2 consecutive days off in a row. I can't remember, since starting this job, a week that I haven't worked on my day off. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my job. Do not get me wrong, everyone there yells at me to go home. But I needed this week. 

It started off as a tour of the midwest, hitting up Chicago, Indianapolis and St. Louis to see family and friends. Then man-pants couldn't get any time off. Then right as we were getting ready to leave to come home, he got the time off very unexpectedly. So we missed seeing a lot of people we wanted to see because of how unorganized the plans were. We had a great time, it just wasn't what either of us expected it to be.

We are staying in my shitty apartment until Spring to bank money because we are going to Aruba in March!! So, 450 square feet with two people, a dog and a cat. 

Oh yeah, we got a cat. My friend is moving to LA and couldn't take him. He is HANDS DOWN the sweetest cat I have ever met. But, fucking shit, he never shuts up. Like ever. Meow, meow, meow, I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU. That is 3 am every single day here. I love him very much and would never actually murder him. But have about exhausted "SHUT THE FUCK UP CAT" solutions. Any suggestions?

So, that is about it for me. Gratuitous cuteness below. 

Herbert, my new BFF

It is sixty degrees and sunny and I am writing a blog post. Why, yes, I have lost my mind, thank you for asking. I also am not wearing pants. But I swear I will put on pants and go outside as soon as I am done. 

I have mice. Or mouse as I have only seen one. But more than likely mice. I discovered this when I grabbed a loaf of bread off the refrigerator and there was a mouse sized hole in it. I turned to man-pants and declared that we now had tiny little pets and should we buy them sweaters? He looked at me like I had lost my damn mind and drug me to the hardware store for mouse killing devices. 

See, everytime I have had mice, I have just coexisted with them. They don't bother me and I have never had an infestation of any kind. Just signs here and there. Maybe a sighting now and then. Apparently I am weird and death to all mice. I can't handle the thought of killing said mice, so man-pants was in charge. We bought glue traps (the snappy ones with a dog? No) and he was going to put them someplace I would never see a dead animal and the dog would never eat a dead animal. 

The traps are still sitting on top of the fridge. So, last night I went to get a glass of wine and turned on the kitchen light and there goes Herbert running from the wine rack to under the fridge. I screamed like a girl because it scared the living shit out of me. But then I kept going in the kitchen trying to find him because he was adorable. And probably chilly because he didn't have a sweater. Man-pants upon observing my obsession with Herbert rolled his eyes and declared we would go to the store tomorrow and get catch and release traps. That is true love right there. 

Except he has to drive because my perfectly lovely car is still sitting out back. 

I wonder how he feels about otters? 

The episode where Erratic learns she is driving the bat mobile.

Well...we are officially out at work. All of my gay friends find it hilarious that we have been in the closet for almost two months. It feels pretty awesome. When we went in public, we had a strict no affection rule. Now walking down the street holding hands is not a big deal. 

It happened exactly how we both thought it would. One day nobody knew, the next day EVERYBODY knew. And nobody seems to care beyond it being the latest gossip. All of this hiding for nothing.

On a TOTALLY unrelated note, have any of you heard of Car2Go? The basic concept is you get a membership and you can drive these cars anytime you want for like $.38/minute (I don't know the exact cost.) They park at meters for free too. It is sort of the best thing ever. Costs me about $2.60 one way to take them to work. Bus fare is $2 and takes about a half hour. To go a mile. So worth $.60 to me. 

Why am I driving a Car2Go to work, you ask? Well...let me tell you a tale I like to call Erratic blows up her car.

Unless you live on Mars, you know this winter has been absolutely horrific. We are 15 inches from breaking the snow record for Ohio. It is the third "snowiest" winter on record. And let's not even talk about the weeks of sub zero temperatures and the time a space heater blew a fuse and I had no electricity in the front half of my apartment for a week. So, naturally lots of snow means lots of pot holes. The two by three foot one that was 6 inches deep was the death of my front right tire. Now. I have the money to fix it. It's amazing how not tight money is when you live well below your means. I have the time to fix it. However, I do not have the lock key to the lug nut. Now I realize your reaction is probably one of light amusement. Get another one, you are thinking. This is a stupid blog post about you going to the store is crossing your mind. Don't worry, I felt the same way. It's a natural reaction. 

It is 2014 and I cannot get the tire off my car. It has been a week. 

First we tried AAA. They are efficient and fast and wonderful, right? This is true when they don't send Joe Dirt from Joe's incompetent and slightly smelly towing. Nice AAA sticker you slapped, crookedly, on your truck. 30 seconds of trying and nope, that tire is on there forever, time for a new car. Oh! And I am going to block the alley for an hour while I write this all up. LONGER THAN I SPEND TRYING TO GET YOUR TIRE OFF. 

This is when I started searching for gasoline and a match. Man-pants started calling around for estimates on the fire departments reaction time.

The next day we take a field trip to the dealership where I bought the car. I walk right up to the parts department and have the following conversation.

E: I have misplaced the key to my locking lug nut. 

Parts guy: do you want to purchase a new set of locking lug nuts?

E: no. My tire is flat and I need to change it.

PG: is the car here?

E: no. I have a flat tire. 

PG: well, we have everything here to help you if you bring the car in. 

E: I can't change my tire to get the car to you.

PG: well, we have keys here, but I can't loan them out.

E: I don't want to borrow a new one, I want to buy one.

PG: oh!! Well, that's easy. Your car came with a tiny piece of paper with a code on it. If you bring that in, we can sell you a new one.

E: I bought my car 9 years ago and was never told that a tiny piece of paper bore any sort of importance. Seriously? (At this point I thought I was being Punk'd)

PG: or you can bring the car in and I will sell you one. 

E: I have a flat tire...just...never mind.

I proceeded to walk out and demand that man-pants take me somewhere with booze immediately. 

Also...tiny piece of paper with a code on it? AM I SECRETLY DRIVING THE BAT MOBILE? 

So, my car sits behind my apartment with a flat tire and no solution in sight. On a happy note, I am now positive I can survive without a car! As long as I never need to leave downtown for any reason. 

There was also an evening last week that man-pants took to you tube to find a way to get the lug nuts off without a key. The only result was him being very cold and quite drunk by the time I got home. Ugh. Cars...am I right?

Dating woes

I learned something very important being single in my thirties...there is almost always a reason people are still single in their thirties. Some are perfectly reasonable, like divorce or a break up or some such thing. Some of these people are just fucking crazy. 

What is funny about my dating stories is that all of this happened once I started the new job and man-pants was sort of the person I confided in and vice versa. We would exchange our horrible dating stories and laugh about them, both of us secretly happy it didn't work out. I will say it again, every relationship should start as a friendship. He became one of my closest friends and the transition into a relationship was ridiculously easy and natural. 

On to Erratic's dating horror stories...

I will start with the beer delivery guy. I have known him for some time, he delivered to a restaurant I worked for. We have been facebook friends and text now and then. This was probably the only story I didn't immediately find hilarious because I genuinely had high hopes for this. We talked on and off for several weeks and then decided to grab a beer. It went great. I actually spent New Years Eve on the phone with him for four hours. (I worked until 11) Out of the blue, he told me I was too clingy and needy and it was a huge turn off. Then he not only unfriended me on Facebook, he blocked me. I still have zero clue what happened because I am not clingy nor needy. At all. In fact, I am the polar opposite of both those things. His text (yes, text) said something along the lines of "I have consulted a friend and after much deliberation, despite you being a great kisser, I do not want to persue a relationship with you." I am not entirely sure if I got blown off or just didn't get a job I didn't know I applied for. 

Then there was the chemist who I met at a bar by my house. Really great guy. We went out several times. We made plans one night to cook dinner at my apartment. He was going to grab stuff from the store and meet me here after work. At about 4:00 pm he said he was leaving for the store. I never heard from him again. I know he is fine because he has an iPhone which shows me when a message is read. No explanation, just never heard from him again.

There was the non-date, date. I volunteer at a battered women's shelter and a men's mission. I took one of the guys from the mission to a job interview and then treated him to lunch. I am 99% sure he thought it was a date. Needless to say, I stopped responding to his texts when they got sexual.

There was the guy who literally said nothing the entire date and then got mad when I ended it early. I was called a tease and told that we had great chemistry, I was just too stupid and stuck up to see it. He literally said NOTHING but one word answers to questions I asked. Oh and when I ended it early, he left and stuck me with the bill. 

And I most certainly saved the best for last. I again met this guy at the bar, we exchanged numbers since we were both out with friends. He was incredibly good looking and was a counselor at a shelter for troubled boys. Kind of thought this guy was perfect. We talked on and off for a week - he worked second shift making it difficult to mesh schedules. We finally went out and came back to my apartment to watch a movie. He pulled me into his lap and when I turned to kiss him, he put a finger in front of my lips and said "I don't kiss, but you can suck my dick if you want." Needless to say I threw him out and never spoke to him again. Who does that?

But it all lead me to man-pants, so I suppose it was good to get all the bad ones out of the way. I know I wasn't single long, but I genuinely hope I never have to be single again. Because like Josey said in the comments...sometimes you just know. 

The story

When I started at my new job, one of the first things I did was establish a management structure by appointing shift leads. I obviously spent a lot of time with them initially figuring out solutions to the problems that I saw right away. One of those shift leads became a fast friend. We spent a lot of time discussing the issues going on, fixing recipes and even working to come out with a new menu. 

There were feelings there very early on. I sort of refused to acknowledge them. He is the person I confided in when I had a terrible date. I found myself going in to work on my days off, timing it so I was done at the same time he was so we could have our shift drink together. 

He is an artist and offered to paint my apartment. Maybe do some cool graffiti shit in the hallway. He came over to take measurements one day and I invited him to grab a drink at the bar next door. Needless to say, one thing lead to another and just friends we no longer were. 

I freaked out. To the point of almost having a panic attack at work the next day. I was his boss and this was extremely inappropriate. I don't do things like this. I am good at this kind of boundary. We talked and both agreed that these feelings had been there for months; he was actually self aware enough to realize he had them far before that day. I apparently enjoy getting kicked in the face with months worth of feelings all at once. 

We have been seeing each other for about a month. We have not told anyone at work yet, but will probably change that sooner than later. Because this is definitely not a fling. He knows me better than most people in my life and it has been a month. I have never dated anyone I was friends with first and it is quite possibly the only way to go. We were close as friends and being in a relationship magnified that closeness. I can tell him anything and he will still love me. Yes, I said love. We are most definitely in love. I have never experienced anything like this. 

I introduced him to my dad last weekend. We have plans to drive to his hometown so I can meet his parents. Is it fast? Yes. Yes it is. It scares me a little. But then I remember who it is and I am ok with it. Because I have never felt safer with anyone in my entire life. I have never been this content. For the first time I feel like I have a partner, someone always on my side. 

And just to ease everyone's mind, no I can't lose my job. There is no policy against this. And we have already discussed one of us leaving and finding a new job in the company if this gets serious. The owner often dates servers. The hang ups we have are simply because we both want people at work to respect us and are scared that will change if this comes out. 

So there you have it. The story of the new man in my life, who we will call man-pants. Because his term of endearment for me is lady-pants. Or just lady. As I write this, he is asleep on my shoulder. We have a very rare day off together and are cooking dinner for the neighbors. But even if we weren't, we would be together. It's weird for me, to want to spend this much time with someone. And I wouldn't change a thing.