Friday, March 26, 2010

Why my uterus is a fucking ass hole.

So, I have a uterus. I fucking hate it. Seriously. I want to set it aside until I decide to maybe one day sometime maybe have babies. All it provides to my life right now is emotional crazy. Yes, this is different than my normal, everyday crazy where I threaten to punch babies and stab people in the face. I know that most of you fellow Uterine Americans will totally understand this. (How awesome would it be if that phrase caught on? No? OK, fine.) Two to three days before I become intimate with Tampax, I lose control of my body and my emotions. Like, for reals. I have been known to gain five pounds. Clothes stop fitting, my face blows up like a balloon, I get headaches, my uterus revolts and starts slowly killing me from the inside. This is all, well, whatever. I have issues, which are just not something any of you want to hear. This, to me, is tolerable. My body gets hijacked, life goes on.

But, BUT, then my brain says fuck off. I lose all control of cognitive function. It feels like I spend 3 - 5 days hovering over my own body, screaming STOP BEING A FUCKING CRAZY PERSON.

Today was one such day. I don't even know what happened, but I was standing in kitchen class fighting back tears. I was so frustrated and angry and just crazy. I slammed down a tray because, well, I don't know. I was mad? About something? Sometime? I mean, there were some underlying reasons for my frustration. But, my reaction? BAT. SHIT. FUCKING. CRAZY. Sometimes I think I should be quarantined five days out of the month. For the sake of humanity.

Plus, I am not sleeping so well, which is another blog post all together. Or, really, a novel called "Insomniac: When the Crazy Can't Sleep." I do not recommend reading it. There is a lot of late night television and free Kindle books involved.

I know that a lot of women go through this and I know that they don't blog about the horrors of hormones, but what the fuck ever. I am weak. And needed to rant. And, really, just need all of you to tell me that you still love me even though I belong in a padded cell.

AND to top off the day from hell...the Bucks lost to fucking Tennessee and I am angry. Because the appropriate response to sports games you have no money on is anger.I feel like therapists everywhere just sensed this all happening and are sounding some sort of alarm. Again.

1 comment:

Bradshaw said...

Two things. One, you sound like I was last month. And the first month adjusting to birth control? Oh holy shit. Basically, I HEAR YOU GIRL. And don't worry about being weak. You're not weak. Bitch it out.

Two, the Ohio State game effectively left me with one whole team left in the final four...and that team isn't even in the finals. My bracket sucks. And I am still angry about that. Angry angry angry.