SV...My life is crap

I sat down with my plate of chicken wings (stop judging me, they were really good) and turned on this week's episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. Speaking of, OMG. Have you seen Wet Hot American Summer? Because Elliot Stabler is HILARIOUS in it. He says things like "I am going to go hump the refrigerator" and something about fondling sweaters. I am also pretty sure he is in love with a can of beans. It is fucking awesome. Watch it. Now.

So, anyway, I am watching SVU and the episode is about this guy from Uganda whose family was slaughtered in front of him. He was then kidnapped by some bad dudes and forced to kill a bunch of people. (tear) So, then he gets rescued and he's in the US, and they are denying his citizenship because he is a war criminal. Apparently he killed people after 18, making him an adult. Blah, blah, blah.

I know you are now expecting me to rant about immigrations law. Wrong. I couldn't stop crying. These people on this show have been through some shit. I get that they are not real, but it does say "based on a true story." So, in my head, it means that exact situation happened and holy shit, it's fucked up.

I am not normally a selfish or self centered person (well, at least not everyday) but this sort of hit a tender spot in my rock solid, unfeeling heart. I spent my entire day at work arguing with people over what to call a status in a database. Do we call it in progress or testing started? WHO THE FUCK CARES? My job is not helping people. At all. In anyway. I mean, I get that eventually, someone, somewhere, probably makes some money off of something I did. Or maybe their day is slightly less stressful because I implemented something that helped them. But, most days. No. This is not true.

I have this bleeding heart need to help people. I am that person who meets a crack head on the street corner, buys him dinner, takes him home, probably dates him, then is heart broken when he steals my couch. It is a family trait. We all do it. Every woman in my family is married to someone they are trying to save. The point is, I want to help. I need to help. It is something in my blood and I am GOOD at it. And I need an outlet so I don't marry some drug crazed lunatic with a mommy complex. (shiver)

But, that is not what I am doing. Not even remotely close. So, I am sitting on the couch, with a plate of chicken wings on my lap, bawling my eyes out at a Law and Order episode. HOW PATHETIC AM I? I mean, who does this? Is there enough therapy or mood altering medication to fix this? I am pretty sure the answer is no.

So, maybe I need to start over. To go out on a limb and do something totally fucking crazy. Or...maybe...just maybe...I should stop eating chicken wings in front of the TV and crying. I am just saying. What I really think needs to happen here, that would help everyone, is for SVU to make sure that only rich spoiled people I hate get murdered. Because then all I have to do is cheer for the man, who won another one, and go on with my oblivious life.

And stop buying chicken wings.