Sunday, April 22, 2012

Inspect this, bitch

I apologize for all the house related posts. But, as you can imagine, this whole process is kind of taking over our lives. 

We had the inspection today which went...OK. Obviously, the ideal is to walk away from the inspection with everything in the acceptable category. That didn't so much happen. The house was built in 1911 and remodeled in 1998. The remodel was done properly and all the electrical and plumbing are up to code, but there are just some odd things. Like a step that is 4 inches too tall. And the water heater and furnace are sitting on the dirt floor of the cellar. 

There were a few things that were a little more concerning. We need a new water heater. They closed up the access to the attic. Like, dry walled over the hole and we have to cut a hole in the ceiling. Because, you know, there are birds living up there. Birds that we REALLY don't want to lay eggs and have babies and then we either have to kill the babies (which I am not even sure they will do nor am I willing to do) or sleep with incessant chirping until fall. You know, because THAT is ideal. Maybe we can get some monkeys up there and have a live noise machine.

A few plumbing issues and other minor shit. Oh, and the dishwasher doesn't work. Like, won't even turn on. I get that we are doing this in a very non-traditional way, but I find it odd that nobody, renter or owner, even mentioned this to us. Because, you know, a non-working appliance is kind of key to know. I think the owner didn't know and the renter is kind of like "fuck these ass holes, taking away my home and shit" about the whole thing. Except he doesn't talk like that.

There is SO MUCH LANDSCAPING to be done. While all the boys wandered around the outside of the house, I took pictures of the landscaping situation. The back pretty much needs the grass taken out and re-seeded. It is 98% crab grass. The front is better...except for the random concrete in the yard. You know, that is good for lawnmowers. And there is ivy EVERYWHERE. Growing on the fences, the house (in very small amounts), the garage, etc. I am in a fight with ivy.

There is a rosebush. Now. I doubt I have told you the story of the rose bush at the condo...but when I moved in (11 years ago!!!) there was a rose bush adjacent to the front porch. The first few years, I thought it was pretty. Then it just became overgrown and I didn't know how to care for it, so I dug it out.

It came back the next year. I poured salt water on the roots (I read that this kills plants.)

It came back the next year. I dug it out again.

It came back the next year. You get the picture. And this thing wasn't just like, hey, pretty roses. It was taller than me. And it overtook the front porch and attacked anyone trying to enter the house. Sort of like the geese that try to kill me at least once a week. 

It could not be killed. The boy finally managed to kill it last year because I have not seen signs of it.

Until today. And it is growing next to the porch on the new house. 

You guys, I am being stalked by a rose bush. And I contemplated calling the police, but it will be hard to enjoy the new house from the insane asylum. But, it's the same bush. The same mother fucking rose bush that I know I will not be able to kill. And it is creeping onto the front porch to wrap around my legs, cartoon style, every day when I get home from work. 

Once again, everything fell into place with this house. There was a time in my life where I thought nothing good came easy. You had to work hard for everything. That saying is stupid. The boy and I came real easy. No relationship is without work, but the beginning; easy. I never even filled out a job application at my current job. Just got a phone call, went in for a 4 minute interview, and was hired. This house just fell in our lap. 

Yes, working hard is important, that is not what I am saying. But, the best things in my life have just landed on my lap, all wrapped up with a great big bow. Life is mother fucking good.

And thank you everyone for the kind words on the job front. I was not trying to confuse anyone...I honestly don't know if I am excited or not either. It is just an odd situation that I am going to take day to day. Because, really, that is all I can do.

We're moving. Holy. Fucking. Crap. Balls. We are moving.


Rachael Heiner said...

Well, I'm sorry about the rose bush. But other than that, yay!

Ann said...

I'm so glad this is easy for you!! Weird how things just....WORK sometimes.

^^^I don't even know how that last sentence just came out of my fingers. What. The. Hell. Fucking boyfriend.

J.o.s.e.y said...

I'm glad there was nothing crazy wrong to deal with after the inspection! Like you said, it's totally normal for old houses to have a few minor issues.

Fucking rose bush. :)