Monday, February 27, 2012

I would like to dedicate this post to all the dead hookers out there.

The boy is in Vegas for six days for work. Some of you might think this post is going to be about how this is the longest we have ever been apart. Because, that is true. But, it's not. Some of you  may think that this is about how much I miss him. Because that is also true. But, it's not.

It's about how the only rule I gave him when he left was that I would leave him if he woke up in the morning lying next to a dead hooker and a pile of blow. 

The thing that makes us work is that we don't have a lot of rules. We trust each other, explicitly. That was something both of us made very clear from the beginning. We know the rules. And we both follow them. Yes, there have been some times over the years that the trust has been tested. But, in the end, I know he would never do anything to betray me. Nor would I, him. 

So, having said that...

Reasons I am LOVING being home alone this week:

  1. I don't have to pretend like I don't talk to myself constantly. I actually caught myself mumbling something, then shouted, "SHORT DOG, I DON'T HAVE TO WHISPER. IT'S JUST ME." Fuck, I am crazy.
  2. I don't have to cook. I can eat popcorn and a salad and there is nobody here to say otherwise. The boy doesn't require that I cook, but when he is home, I feel like a formal, family meal needs to happen. If formal means TV trays and watching Big Bang Theory.
  3. The bed to myself. I realize that there are people out there that are like, I can't sleep without you. I am not that person. I want the whole bed. There may or may not be a full scale cover war going on over here.
Reasons I HATE being home alone this week:
  1. I hate being responsible for everything. It is like being single again. I like having a partner to shoulder the bullshit. Like the morning pet feedings. Now I need to allow myself more than 15 minutes to shower and get out the door.
  2. Having someone to talk to. It has been almost 3 years since I have been alone in this house for more than one night. Granted, it has still not been one night. Just saying...it is odd. The animals are all upset and it is just...quiet. 
  3. That safe feeling. It's nice to just trust that if something goes wrong, there is someone else there to help. 
In summary; don't kill a hooker when high on blow, THE COVERS ARE MINE, and the boy is pretty awesome.

Also...I AM HOME ALONE. PARTY MOTHER FUCKERS. P.A.R.T.Y. 

1 comment:

Rachael Heiner said...

I barely ever get to be home alone, but if my husband is gone and the kids are in bed I get to watch whatever I want and use my laptop on the couch without feeling like I am 'supposed' to be paying attention to someone. It's awesome.