Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The post where I loose my mind and half my readers.

I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. OK, not really. I have never actually had a nervous breakdown. But, I feel really close. I have a tendency to take on more than I truly have time to handle because I want to be helpful and that woman who can do it all. Maybe I want to be a little show-offy too. I can't be sure.

But, this whole full time school, almost full time work, HUGE project due for school in two weeks, handmade bridal shower invitations that I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED, and general day to day stuff like showering and eating and sleeping has become too much. I am doing what I tend to do when I am overwhelmed and that is pretending that none of it exists and lalalala everything is fine and great and wonderful.

I am reaching the point where I have to deal with all this shit, where I have to actually start working on it and being productive and not coming home every single night and playing The SIMS. I just have not figured all of this out yet, this schedule, this productivity thing. I don't have weekends anymore where I can dedicate a day to cleaning the house. I have half a Saturday and half a Sunday. When those days come, though, I don't want to be productive. I want to relax because it seems like I never get to do that. And weekdays? By the time I get home from school and work, I am so tired my brain sounds like Boomhower.

None of this even includes things like spending time with people I love or doing anything that is for me. I know that I have over a year more of this and that I better just suck it the fuck up and deal with it. I know people do this everyday. I know that I am bitching and whining and moaning and there are people out there working two jobs and raising a family. But, I am not them DAMN-IT I WANT A VACATION. Or at least a personal assistant. Or a clone.

How fucking cool would it be to have a clone? I mean, I am totally against cloning because just weird, but right now, it sounds like a really awesome solution to my problem. Or training my dogs to use an exacto knife and make stock. I realize that was kind of a weird sentence, but let's be honest, this whole post sounds like it was written by at least 3 of my 5 personalities.

The whole POINT of this was to say that if I become a little absent from here, it's not because I don't love you guys. It is because I am in the corner in the fetal position crying because I procrastinated and haven't slept in two weeks. Also, if you know me in real life and you ask me what my favorite color is and flip the fuck out, it is because I have made one too many decisions and lost my mind. I'm sorry. I wish I had a reboot button, but I don't. And I am all out of decisions for at least a month.

Also, still don't know if I am a redneck, damn-it.


Bradshaw said...

What is your name?
What is your quest?
What is your favorite color?

No seriously, I've so been there, and I'm going to say what I wish someone had said to me. Take a day. Any day. If you have a to do list? Ignore it. If you have household chores? Tell them to fuck off. Sit around in PJs with the boy, eating ice cream straight from the container, and snuggling. One day. Everything will be there when you finish your day, but if you don't take a day for you, you will lose what little motivation you have left. The world will continue to spin if you're not the bestest most perfectest wonderful lady that ever was.

And the next day? Take a deep breath, and start juggling again.

I have faith in you.

Erratic said...

My name is Inigo Montoya.

You killed my father. Prepare to die.


Thanks. Seriously, I needed to hear that. Because sometimes the crazy takes over my brain and I am all OMG THE WORLD IS ENDING and all I have is a hangnail.

Josey said...

I agree with Bradshaw, take a day to yourself - don't get out of your PJs, avoid cooking & dishes by eating spaghettios cold out of the can (my personal favorite!) and curl up with a good book.

Then (this is the Type A part of me) make a checklist, or a schedule...whatever is easier for you depending on what your responsibilities are...but schedule it out that you'll clean or cook or do laundry or whatever on such and such day... an on the off days, don't even think about it!!

Life every day like it could be your's the best way! :)

Anonymous said...

Have "Bewitched", "I Dream of Jeannie", and, yes, even "Sabrina the Teenage Witch" taught us nothing? Cloning never works out the way we plan.