Sunday, January 30, 2011

Everyone should be named Tony Shaloub

Dear people in charge of late night T.V.,

Not everyone watching is a fat, depraved moron. Some of us just have insomnia issues and are too tired to read.

I do not, in fact, want to increase my bust size with a device that looks like I am giving a double hand job.

I do not want to cook 400 chicken nuggets in 4.3 seconds.

I do not believe that Audrina from The Hills has ever struggled with her weight and turned to the ab spinny thing for help. Being a worthless fame whore burns a lot of calories.

I have no need to learn how to workout and hump a chair at the same time.

Katy Perry does not have shitty skin and nobody that isn't a serial masturbator is going to be on the other end of that phone.

So, please, PLEASE put something mildly entertaining on before insomniacs unite and blow you up.

Big thanks to Tony Shaloub for showing up at 6 am. My faith in humanity has been restored.

Exhaustedly yours,
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