Monday, January 10, 2011

Cute is overrated.

As I sit here surrounded by used tissues, wearing sweat pants and a Napoleon Dynamite T-Shirt with no bra, all I can think is holy fuck, I am not cute. And I'm not. I am never that girl that goes shopping and comes home with all these cute clothes. My hair never looks cute, I never buy super big sunglasses that I get compliments on. I buy things for comfort, I go to the grocery store with my hair a hot fucking mess wearing sweat pants and a hoodie. Often. I wear sports bras more often than regular bras. When I wear heels, I have a back up pair of shoes in my car. I never carry a purse unless I am travelling or I need more than my phone, chapstick, and a wallet. 

I always have a tube of burt's bees in my pocket.

I remember looking at my mom growing up and thinking, I will never wear track suits to the grocery store (I do) or I will never cut my hair super short so I don't have to do anything with it (not yet.) But, I find myself not caring. I find my self uncomfortable in heels and form fitting tops.

I don't want to be this way. I want to be the person who has the cute clothes and enjoys dressing up. Part of it is that 40 lbs ago, that wasn't really possible. My choices were clothes that looked like tents and heels that hurt so bad I couldn't function. As I continue to lose weight and focus more on a healthy lifestyle (I say this as I am riddled with bronchitis and trying not to throw out my back from coughing) I am getting more into cute clothes. I am more comfortable in my own skin. 

So, maybe there is hope for me to one day be cute. To wear cute dresses and tops. I will probably never tame my hair or wear heels unless I have to. And I am pretty OK with that.

This post brought to you by hallucinations on cold medication and Vernors.

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