Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Infested and Irrational

Today I was taking the trash around from the back of my house to the front of my house for pick up tomorrow. I opened the trash can to, you know, throw away trash, and IT WAS FILLED WITH COCKROACHES. I think. I have never actually seen a cockroach. But, I am pretty sure it was a cockroach.

So, I screamed, ran into the house and to the sink to wash my hands and ONE FELL OFF OF ME ONTO THE KITCHEN COUNTER. I sprayed it with the kitchen sprayer until it went down the garbage disposal, which I proceeded to turn on for, well, forever.

I immediately ran stripped off my clothes and jumped in the shower. I shook out the infested clothes outside and put them directly into the washing machine. I got out of the shower and called Big Jed to confirm that it was indeed a cockroach. The body was about the size of a Good 'N Plenty, it was flat, brown, and had approximately 10 million legs. She is my go-to bug crisis person. I also call her when I have to kill spiders by sucking them up in the vacuum. She laughs at me the whole time, because I am sure my completely irrational fear is hilarious. She was not laughing this time.

I then called the boy and just started sobbing. He also usually laughs at me, but said he would be over with bug spray. I explained that this was a good thing, because I was not leaving the house until the entire neighborhood cockroach population was eradicated.

I do not live in the city. I have never had a bug infestation of any kind other than ants twice, but even then they were not in the kitchen. I am generally a very clean person. And I realize that my garbage can is outside in nature where there are bugs. And I realize that this is in no way a reflection on my ability to keep my house clean. But, this fear - it is irrational and paralyzing and I want to douse my entire life in bleach and bug spray. I feel like clawing off my own skin.

I told the boy if I find one in the house, I am moving. I don't think he realizes I am serious.

UPDATE: They were waterbugs. Feeling stupid? Yes. Yes, I am. In my defense...one was on me.


Big Jed said...

If it makes you feel any better, I might not have been able to tell the difference and I would have freaked out the same exact way. Oh, and when you call me while killing a spider the best part is the sound of the vacuum with you screaming and/or squealing in the background. It's REALLY loud and sounds like you have a fighter jet in your house.

Gypsy said...

Thank God you don't live in Florida, land of 47 bajillion bugs. I don't even want to talk about palmetto bugs.