Grandma Goes to the Post Office

A little background: My grandmother has sent me a $100 check since the day I moved out of her house. I don't know why. I have never really asked, I guess. It's just one of those things. I have told her I don't need it, that she doesn't have to, but the check comes every month without fail. If I do not cash it within 5 days of her putting it in the mail, all hell breaks loose. Observe.

Erratic: Hello

Grandma: Did you get the check I sent you?

Erratic: No.

Grandma: This the second one in a week. You didn't get the last one did you?

Erratic: No. I got a page out of Reader's Digest about a pillow you put on your chair to help your back. That is it since you left.

Grandma: Your postman is robbing you.

Erratic: I am sure it is just a mistake or something wrong at the post office.

Grandma: Erratic (first and middle name) open your eyes. Your postman is robbing you.

Erratic: Have the checks been cashed?

Grandma: Well, no.

Erratic: Are you missing money in anyway?

Grandma: That is not the point. What if he is collecting them?

Erratic: To accumulate a mass fortune, $100 at a time?

Grandma: Stranger things have happened?

Erratic: I will call the post office tomorrow.

Grandma: Call me as soon as you hear. That postman should be fired.

Erratic: OK, I will

Grandma: What did you have for dinner?

Erratic: I used leftover pork to make pork fried rice.

Grandma: Did you have a salad with it?

Erratic: Yes.

Grandma: Good. You should really be drinking tomato juice.

I am buying her a case of tomato juice for Christmas.