Amazon: What the fuck?

I am in love with Amazon.com. Love may be too mild a word. I visit the site daily. I can say that about one other site and that is Google Reader. I don't even check my email daily. Strange things are afoot at Amazon, though. While I was out, the people at my office got me a gift certificate. This was ridiculously thoughtful of them because nothing could make me happier than free money at Amazon. I almost wept.

Due to the free money, I have been purchasing things that were sitting on my wish list, but that I couldn't warrant purchasing. Like a series of books I was really unsure if I would like but can't find at the library. And, the thing that has thrown all logic off, two books on surface effects using polymer clay. Amazon sees this and is like, now, wait just one fucking minute. This girl has been fanatically purchasing books about fairies and dragons and elves and vampires for years. I imagine I fall in a category along the lines of "lives in parents basement" or "scares small children and owns a lot of cats." And now she is purchasing books on crafts? Isn't that reserved for Martha Stewart types? Shouldn't she also be purchasing bake ware and aprons?

OK, I am being ridiculously stereotypical here, but I am stereotyping myself, so I feel like it is allowed. When people first meet me, they are always surprised by the types of books I like to read and the type of music that I like to listen to. Then they are shocked when they learn I love to crochet. And take photography. And make my own cards. And make things out of clay. Maybe there are people out there just like me and I just happen to not know any of them. I don't know. I am digressing from my point.

Amazon flipped the fuck out. And my recommendations started looking like some sort of hybrid Romance novel reading, vampire loving, baking, Suzy homemaker person. I start getting suggestions for all these books that are like Vampire porn. And then, this crap on how to make anything out of string and duct tape. Amazon has steered me towards many books that have become my favorites. I used to look forward to their suggestions. Some of them were a little off - ordering Harry Potter admittedly led to a month of suggestions for middle school kids. But, at least I could say, well, OK, I get that.

But, "How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire?" - Because "Daisy of Love" isn't bad enough.

"Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of Nimh." - Um. I am not 12. Seriously, Amazon, you require my birth date.

"Moon Called" - and what? Asked if the refrigerator was running?

And then Amazon starts suggesting stuff I have already purchased from them. Classics that I needed to repurchase because my copy was shot.

"Catcher in the Rye" - I know about the whole serial killer thing and I do not care. I love this book. I also love being a serial killer.

Anything and everything Kurt Vonnegut. Again, I purchased most of his books from them at some point in my adult life. I mean, "Cat's Cradle?" Are there people who don't own this book?

And my favorite, the one that makes the LEAST sense. "Pirates of the Caribbean." The movie. Maybe it is just a default for everyone Amazon can't quite categorize?

So, Amazon, I don't know what the fuck happened. But, get your shit together. Like, now. Because I don't want to have to start actually looking for new reading material. That feels like a lot of work.