Monday, March 3, 2014

The episode where Erratic learns she is driving the bat mobile.

Well...we are officially out at work. All of my gay friends find it hilarious that we have been in the closet for almost two months. It feels pretty awesome. When we went in public, we had a strict no affection rule. Now walking down the street holding hands is not a big deal. 

It happened exactly how we both thought it would. One day nobody knew, the next day EVERYBODY knew. And nobody seems to care beyond it being the latest gossip. All of this hiding for nothing.

On a TOTALLY unrelated note, have any of you heard of Car2Go? The basic concept is you get a membership and you can drive these cars anytime you want for like $.38/minute (I don't know the exact cost.) They park at meters for free too. It is sort of the best thing ever. Costs me about $2.60 one way to take them to work. Bus fare is $2 and takes about a half hour. To go a mile. So worth $.60 to me. 

Why am I driving a Car2Go to work, you ask? Well...let me tell you a tale I like to call Erratic blows up her car.

Unless you live on Mars, you know this winter has been absolutely horrific. We are 15 inches from breaking the snow record for Ohio. It is the third "snowiest" winter on record. And let's not even talk about the weeks of sub zero temperatures and the time a space heater blew a fuse and I had no electricity in the front half of my apartment for a week. So, naturally lots of snow means lots of pot holes. The two by three foot one that was 6 inches deep was the death of my front right tire. Now. I have the money to fix it. It's amazing how not tight money is when you live well below your means. I have the time to fix it. However, I do not have the lock key to the lug nut. Now I realize your reaction is probably one of light amusement. Get another one, you are thinking. This is a stupid blog post about you going to the store is crossing your mind. Don't worry, I felt the same way. It's a natural reaction. 

It is 2014 and I cannot get the tire off my car. It has been a week. 

First we tried AAA. They are efficient and fast and wonderful, right? This is true when they don't send Joe Dirt from Joe's incompetent and slightly smelly towing. Nice AAA sticker you slapped, crookedly, on your truck. 30 seconds of trying and nope, that tire is on there forever, time for a new car. Oh! And I am going to block the alley for an hour while I write this all up. LONGER THAN I SPEND TRYING TO GET YOUR TIRE OFF. 

This is when I started searching for gasoline and a match. Man-pants started calling around for estimates on the fire departments reaction time.

The next day we take a field trip to the dealership where I bought the car. I walk right up to the parts department and have the following conversation.

E: I have misplaced the key to my locking lug nut. 
Parts guy: do you want to purchase a new set of locking lug nuts?
E: no. My tire is flat and I need to change it.
PG: is the car here?
E: no. I have a flat tire. 
PG: well, we have everything here to help you if you bring the car in. 
E: I can't change my tire to get the car to you.
PG: well, we have keys here, but I can't loan them out.
E: I don't want to borrow a new one, I want to buy one.
PG: oh!! Well, that's easy. Your car came with a tiny piece of paper with a code on it. If you bring that in, we can sell you a new one.
E: I bought my car 9 years ago and was never told that a tiny piece of paper bore any sort of importance. Seriously? (At this point I thought I was being Punk'd)
PG: or you can bring the car in and I will sell you one. 
E: I have a flat tire...just...never mind.

I proceeded to walk out and demand that man-pants take me somewhere with booze immediately. 

Also...tiny piece of paper with a code on it? AM I SECRETLY DRIVING THE BAT MOBILE? 

So, my car sits behind my apartment with a flat tire and no solution in sight. On a happy note, I am now positive I can survive without a car! As long as I never need to leave downtown for any reason. 

There was also an evening last week that man-pants took to you tube to find a way to get the lug nuts off without a key. The only result was him being very cold and quite drunk by the time I got home. Ugh. I right?

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