To kid or not to kid....

I have been meaning to talk about this for a while.....

Ugh.

A lot of the people that I follow have had problems conceiving children. If you have been reading long enough, you will understand why. If you haven't, well...read back through my archives or click on people who comment. I am feeling slightly lazy.

Other than protecting myself using condoms with new partners, I have not taken any kind of birth control in almost 6 years. I have taken zero protection in my last two relationships against pregnancy. The day I broke up with the boy, he thought I was telling him I was pregnant...

I read so many infertility blogs I don't really know how to talk about this. Because the thing is...I don't know if I want kids. I really, really don't know. So I sort of let the universe decide...and the universe has sort of said, um, no. Which I am ok with. On most levels, I am ok with. I don't want to go through fertility treatments or take any extreme measures to have a child. I am not saying there is anything wrong with that, I am just so undecided it feels silly to even pursue something like that. 

I look at pictures of my friends and their kids and I just smile. I want THAT. I want the picture perfect moments, but I am just not sure I am willing to make the sacrifices that come along with being a parent. 

Do not get me wrong....if I got pregnant, that child would be my universe and everything would change.

I guess this is just about that choice. About trying. About actively trying to get pregnant versus just having sex for the mere pleasure of it. 

My mother is one of four, and she is the only one who had children. My aunts seem so....lost. They have these crazy hobbies and are constantly trying to find something to do. Needless to say, the women in my family aren't super maternal. I come from a long line of childless women. Maybe they struggled to have kids when they really wanted them? I don't know. It is certainly not something they would ever talk to me about. Another legacy of my mother's side of the family. 

Man-pants doesn't want children. I know he would be on the same page as me if it happened....he would love that kid to death. But he certainly isn't hearing any kind of clock.

Nor am I for that matter. I just think about it often and wonder if I am making a mistake. On the flip side of that....it appears to be a mistake I wouldn't be able to fix anyway. 

Is it weird to just throw caution to the wind and let the universe decide your future?