Working in a kitchen is the best thing ever. Alternate Title: I'm sorry

1. Dooce tweeted the greatest tweet of all time. And I quote. "At least they aren't making you drop your pants unwillingly. "@ToddAkin: I apologized but the liberal media is trying to make me drop out."
2. There are two guys at work who are both under 5"5'. With my 3 inch raised kitchen shoes, I am taller than them. I am short. So, you can imagine the jokes about The Shire are endless. And I mean, endless. I call them Frodo and Samwise. Today one of these gentlemen confessed that his sisters call him Dildo Faggins. I laughed so hard I was choking as tears ran down my face. I sincerely hope that all of you find this as hilarious as I did. Yes, the term fag is offensive, but dear lord, the hilarity. I also hope this isn't a "you had to be there" situation. I also also hope that you get the LOTR reference. Pardon my dorkdom.
3. Our new whole home DVR system stops what you are watching if two shows start recording. And if you go back to start that show that was so rudely interrupted, it starts at the beginning. I don't know why I am telling you this other than it  JUST happened and it pisses me the fuck off.
4. Dildo Faggins. I am cracking up all over again. The boy didn't even crack a smile. Is there something wrong with me? 
5. While trying to determine if Dildo Faggins was already a porn star, we stumbled upon many an interesting video and image. My favorite being a diagram on how exactly to insert a hershey kiss in your ass. I have yet to figure out when this would be useful, but you guys, if you need to know...I now possess the knowledge on how to correctly insert a hershey kiss in your ass. (I CAN'T UNKNOW THIS.)
6. I love Matthew Perry. I can't help it. I have seen all his movies. Something about that man just cracks me up. I also am quite a Friend's fan, him being my favorite character. Please still love me. Not for the friend's thing. Just the obsession with Matthew Perry thing. Does it get better than "The Whole Nine Yards" or "Three to Tango?" Ooh! Or "Fools Rush In." Those are all terrible movies. I don't blame you if you stop loving me.
7. The word Amazeballs needs to stop being a thing. As I clearly told Facebook earlier. Just. No.
8. I really don't have a number 8. I feel like I should have stopped at 7.
9. This post was influenced by wine.
10. Matthew Perry just said "I Kaiser Soze'd you" on his new show and one of my favorite people just met one of my favorite moves and HOLY FUCKING AMAZING. I had to google how to spell Kaiser Soze. 

There is a distinct possibility I shouldn't post this. Fuck it.