Wednesday, August 8, 2012

If you have a penis, you probably should skip this post

I stopped taking birth control. One reason is because I can't afford it. Like, not even close. I have not investigated what Obama's new healthcare shit means in all of this yet, but I am hoping it means that I can afford birth control. Because, you guys, I am about to give you way too much information.

I didn't have my period for three months. THREE WHOLE MONTHS. This is awesome in the, hey, didn't have to deal with that shit way, but it SUCKED in the I just spent more money than birth control costs on negative pregnancy tests and panic attacks. I finally got my period and have had it for over three weeks. I don't know what this means. It means I am about 20 seconds from killing everyone ever. I am already anemic and get worse when I have my period. Right now, if you look at me wrong, I will bruise. I am so tired and every muscle in my body hurts. I want to jump off a cliff.

The boy and I had to stop at the store for my FIFTH AND SIXTH BOX OF TAMPONS and he disappeared as I was perusing the selection and returned with wine. Yep. I need that. A lot of that. Can I mainline that? ALL THE WINE.

Now, I have been on birth control since I was 17. So...I really don't know what my normal cycle is or what this means (all you IF/TTC ladies have me kind of freaking out.) Nor do I really want to at this time. If/when I decide to procreate, I will deal with it then. That may be irresponsible, but whatever. I am not adding the stress of if I am able to conceive children to my life when I am not actively trying to conceive children.

The most important lesson I have learned from all of this is: GET BACK ON BIRTH CONTROL RIGHT THE FUCKING FUCK NOW. This leaves few options. There is Planned Parenthood, but dear lord, I am almost 31. Am I even allowed to do that? A nurse told me that there are gynecology clinics that I can go to that are cheaper. But, this all feels, so...dirty. Doesn't it? Or do I just have NO idea what these places are really like? I picture an old run down building and doctors that nobody else will hire. I have no idea. I have always had health insurance and have used the same gyno since I was 17 and went on birth control. I am not sure I want anyone but her all up in there. Ugh. 

So, ladies I need all of you to tell me the story about the time you had to go to one of these less than stellar gynos for black market birth control. Please tell me there are some of you out there. Or I am going to have to spend a small fortune to go to my regular gyno PLUS take a morning/afternoon off work to do it. Which, I will not get paid for.

It's times like these I wonder why on earth I got into this industry. On a related note, how are dental clinics? Because I am about to discover that too. 

I feel like I did everything all backwards. 

Sorry about all the lady parts talk. BUT THREE WEEKS. I am a woman on the edge over here.

1 comment:

J o s e y said...

Go to PP and party like you're 19 again! :-)

In the meantime, I can give you a link to a place to buy CHEAP pregnancy tests, so that if this happens again, you're spending $0.50 instead of $5 every time you pee on a stick. LOL