Monday, August 1, 2011

Two little girls

I woke up with a headache and an upset stomach. I felt antsy, on edge. I got the call not even an hour after I got up.

It seems days ago that my phone rang, not a mere 10 hours. It feels like a lifetime ago that I answered.

"Big Jed lost baby A." I froze. "I'm on my way" I was at the hospital in less than 45 minutes. I sat with her all afternoon as she worried about Baby B and fretted about decisions she wasn't ready to make. 

We laughed and cried. Mostly we laughed. 

I met the boy downtown for dinner and halfway through, I got the call again. Her water broke. I flew back to the hospital, frantically making arrangements for her dogs to be fed and making sure everyone knew what was happening. I shoved pregnant ladies out of the way as I practically ran to her hospital room. I sat down immediately taking her hand. Seconds later, the doctor said the babies were both gone.

I have never seen loss like this. I wanted with every inch of my soul to take it away, to make it better. I sat as she said over and over "why me?" I held her hand for most of the day, stroked her hair, and tried to do whatever I could to comfort her. I sat outside the room as she gave birth to her two little girls, not meant for this world. I held her husband as he told me he could see their little eyes and noses. It was the most heart wrenching thing I have ever seen. 

Someone said to me, when she first went into the hospital last week, "why do you have to be there, where is her family?"

She is my family. They were my family. I never knew I could miss two little girls so much, two little girls I never even met. 

One of the nurses was rubbing my back as the doctors were doing the ultrasound and leaned down and said "thank you for being here" and it just struck me, where else would I be?


Bradshaw said...

Oh no, hun, I am so sorry. I'm crying over here. Lots of thoughts and love and hugs headed to you all.

Josey said...

Oh God, no. :*( Seriously bawling on the couch right now. I'm so glad you were there for her.

Big Jed said...

They were perfect. Tiny and perfect. There aren't words right now except thank you. I love you. I'm glad I got to meet them and name them.