Thursday, July 23, 2009


It wasn't any worse than yesterday. As I walked out, I felt the weight of it all melt away. The rain kept the air cool, so I drove with my windows down and my iPod on shuffle. "Fake It" by Seether came on and I laughed at the absurdity of it.

I sit in meetings and fight for what I know is the right thing to do. I am told to be quiet, to do what I am told, to sit down and shut up. I fight anyway. As they laugh at me, me on my soapbox fighting for the way I think things should be done. Silly girl. Fake it.

The sky is dark from the days storms and I am so mad that there are tears in my eyes. Mad at the people who refuse to listen, mad at the way my career has turned out. Mad at myself for letting my life get here. Mad for being so angry and doing nothing about it. Mad because I know, even as I write this, that I won't do anything to change it.

I struggle with change for the sake of change. I struggle to take a system that works and turn it upside down because no one is willing to listen to reason, to compromise, to find a solution instead of creating another problem. I struggle to do what I am told knowing it is the wrong thing to do.

I walk in the front door and smell the bacon from dinner last night. Two wet noses and excited tails greet me and I smile. This I don't have to fake.

"Let's go for a walk boys."


Brooke said...

I know exactly what you mean. Bacon always makes me smile too.

Krackle said...

You can't fake it. It isn't who you are. I know you too well.

Brutalism said...

I want to give you some deep advice, but I have dyed-blonde hair, am wearing makeup and have been known to put on a pair of Spanx when wearing a fancy it may not be the best "reality" check. : 0 )
(I love your writing style.)