Are those some sweet ass Converse tennies or my baby?

A typical evening in my life consists of watching TV and fucking around on my computer. There are certain TV shows that just don't hold my interest on their own. One of these is American Idol. I love the show, don't get me wrong. In fact, I have somehow managed to find myself enrolled in some sort of American Idol Fantasy League. This involves choosing something every week and then something happens and I get points! Yay points! I would try to explain it to you in more detail, but I have no idea what I am doing. Every time I go to the website, it takes me 20 minutes to figure out how to vote. And then another hour trying to figure out who the fuck these itty bitty pictures are and what they sang. Then I just close my eyes and click. Because, frankly, I don't care until the top 12.

I digress. So, I am playing The Game of Life online while watching American Idol. *Insert laughter* Are you done mocking me now? Good. We can continue. So, I am playing The Game of Life, and I lose my job. I mean, not my job. My TGoL job. Yes, we are abbreviating now. So, I have to go through the process of picking a new job (woo, I am an athlete) and suddenly I look at my car and I am all, holy fuck, I have a kid. Wait, holy fuck, I have TWO KIDS. I have electronically procreated and I have no idea how. I hope the goofy looking dude in the car next to me is the daddy, because, frankly, I have no idea what is going on. What if I had an illicit affair with Computer Player 1 and these are really his kids? Or what if there are two babies daddy's? What if I adopted? Or had a donor? THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.

This gets me thinking. I am an oblivious person. I mean, there are times when I truly believe there could be a gun fight going on in my living room and I would be so into the book I am reading, I would have no idea. I am just one of those people who is always lost in my head. I day dream. I talk to myself in the grocery store. I get completely lost in literature. I get on the highway like I am going to work regardless of where I am actually going. My mother has referred to me as a space cadet since, um, conception.

So, what happens if I procreate? What if there is a mini-oblivious me running around in this world? More importantly, what if I forget mini-me at the grocery store because I am too busy trying to figure out my fuel perks and just wander off. Or I am shoe shopping and accidentally swaddle (bonus points for using a mommy word!) a pair of Converse instead of mini-me. Or I actually name my fucking kid mini-me. I mean, I HAD TWO BABIES AND HAD NO IDEA. They don't call it the game of life for no reason, right? RIGHT? I am getting an ulcer.

In all reality, I would be fine. I would realize that I strapped shoes in the car seat long before the authorities were involved. And I would never name my kid mini-me. And I would make sure the kid was in the cart, because, I would never leave food behind. That shit is just too expensive. Honestly, I would love that kid. Much more than my "magic" TGoL kids. Because, frankly, I don't even know if they are mine. I still think Computer Player 1 dropped their asses in my car and bolted.

On another note, CAN YOU BELIEVE THERE IS A TOP 13 THIS YEAR? Woo Anoop.

Oh, and I have a new catch phrase: "Her voice feels like a tack hammer in the eye." How fucking sweet is that? I am modifying for my tag line...