Finally

I removed the word verification. And if any of you formally believed NCH was just "spunky" or "full of personality," I do believe this will change your mind.

Update: Can I also share with you all that we have seriously looked at two houses...one who whose previous owner died in the house, one who has a renter...both who share the same name as the boy. Good or bad omen? 

Blogger Happy Hour...and...go.

Sorry I have been so absent. Things have just been, well, things. Between stalking real estate and, well, stalking real estate, I have neglected the blog. My recent readership has attested to that. As have the comments.

First of all, I feel like a fucking idiot, but I cannot figure out how to get rid of the word verification. I know that is a hot point for many people and I just have not figured it out. I get it, I read from my phone too. I am dumb.

Second of all I have been working. And running. And combined, these two things are kicking my ass. I am going to need to rant here. I get that I love my job, and therefore, don't really mind working. I am one of those people who gets up in the morning with a smile on my face and can't wait to get to work. I GET THAT IT IS SO FUCKED UP TO FEEL THAT WAY. But, I work hard. My job is not rainbows and orgies. I love my job because I love what I do. But working on my feet that many hours a week, plus introducing a 5k training schedule, it is kicking my fucking ass. And I'm sorry if that makes me too tired to think. I love my job and I would never trade it for the world. But, it is physically taxing and sometimes that takes its toll. Sometimes, I just don't have the energy to blog.

I may be entirely telling myself this. Because, I feel guilty about how tired I am sometimes. But, shit. I am tired. 

Third of all, I feel very removed and distant lately. I don't like it. I want you all to move to Ohio and go to happy hour with me so we can catch up. Plus, I know some spots who have amazing food. Just saying.

Pop Quiz: Is it me or the boy whose cheese slid off their cracker?

Hey honey, we could buy a bunker instead of a house.

We are not, under any circumstances, becoming doomsday preppers.

We could get a really nice bunker for the same price as a house.

Where would we live?

In the bunker.

Where would we build the bunker?

On Big Jed's property. She would never notice. Except for the cars. And an occasional short dog sighting.

Yes, clearly, she would think nothing of the cars.

And of us digging a giant hole on her property.

It's 600 square feet.

We would kill each other if confined to 600 square feet just the two of us.

It's better than dying in the nuclear war.

What nuclear war?

Well, you never know. 

So, you want to live in the bunker for the rest of our lives, just the two of us, never interacting with anyone?

We would have nuclear suits.

Well, clearly.

Why won't I just shut up about house hunting already? Oh, wait. Because I am me.

I realize that when I get excited about something, I become obsessed. It is all consuming and I can't do anything but think about this one thing every minute of every day. I do realize this. 

There are exceptions to infatuation, which is things I love. My job, my pets, the boy, my friends, etc. 

But, a lot of time things are just infatuation with me. I am over the top excited, then I am over it.

House hunting is both...it is becoming infatuated with finding something I will love. It's like a 24 hour Realtor website in my brain. All the time. I catch myself in the bathroom at work checking to see which house it was that had a claw foot tub without the shower attachment. And which house had a partial block basement instead of a full block. And which house had that adorable little shed and which house had the garage and poof. My brain exploded. 

There are three neighborhoods we are interested in. 

The super nice one with all the classy bars and nice restaurants and cobble stone streets.

The really nice one that doesn't really have bars or restaurants, but is just east of the super nice one and has cobble stone streets.

The nice one that is south of the super nice and the really nice one and does not have cobble stone streets.

All of them have advantages and disadvantages. But, they all have the same character we are looking for...built in the late 1800's to early 1900's, hardwood floors, hardwood molding (typically handcrafted), and of course downtown. In all three of these neighborhoods, we can both reasonably walk to work. Which means we can get rid of a car. Which is huge.

The problem is, we can really only afford the nice neighborhood. And even then, typically only on the side of that neighborhood that is kind of questionable. 

However, everyone has said to just drive around and look for "For Sale By Owner" signs. Usually those houses go for less and are the steals in all three neighborhoods. So, last Sunday the boy and I drove around, oohing and awing at all the houses for sale then coming home and realizing we couldn't afford any of them. No "For Sale By Owner" signs. 

So, today I decided to do the same and just peruse the neighborhood. And I found one! Our very first one. The house across the street is also for sale, about $100K over our price range. But, this house has clearly not been remodeled for a while, so hopefully it is going for much less and needs some work. I am very excited. Also, ALSO...COBBLESTONE STREETS. 

I know three people who live within a few blocks of each other in this neighborhood. I totally saw one of them while I was stalking. I waved and kept driving because I panicked. I looked way creepy. Then my phone rang and he totally called me out on it. Oh, I am so very awkward.

Grandparents

Update: MY GRANDMOTHER HAS LOST HER SHIT ALL OVER FACEBOOK. 

Posted on my wall: Happy Birthday to the boy. Happy Birthday to the boy. Happy Birthday dear the boy! Happy Birthday to you!

Erratic: You are supposed to post this on his wall, silly.

Yeah I know I didn't have his then figured out if I clicked on his on yours viola. Honestly I surprise myself with my brilliance! luvm.

All comes to he who waits patiently in the sidelines!

Try a vitamin (health food store) for the honey. luvum.

The very last comment was in reference to a completely different post. Also, terrible advice based on that post.

On another grand-parent related note, Papa and the boy have the same birthday. So, tonight I picked him up from the retirement home and took him to dinner. He had one margarita and was pretty tipsy. He was cracking me up. I laughed through our entire dinner. It was the first time in a long time that I have been able to keep him away from sad stories and just laughing and having fun. 

But, I still tipped the waiter 30%. How do you teach and 87 year old man that whistling at servers is rude? No, seriously? How? I would like suggestions.

Things I love today

1. Catching up with good friends who I haven't seen in a long time. Now that I work days, this is much, much easier. And the margaritas and food were delicious, which is always a plus. I would have totally eaten fast food and drank coke, though. It was a much needed night out.
2. This weather. 70 degrees and sunny? In March? Sitting here with all the windows open is amazing.
3. The week after restaurant week...when everyone spent all their hard earned dough last week and are eating Ramen noodles and fast food. 
4. Having enough free time to plot with a coworker to fuck with the rest of our coworkers. Bonding in the restaurant world is not asking someone to go to lunch with you. It is playing practical jokes on each other and laughing so hard you cry when they get PISSED. I am always in....as long as farts are not involved. That is when the girl in me comes out and I just run.
5. olo.ol'  <-- The boy did that. He thinks he is hilarious. He's not. He made me leave it. What is the blogging equivalent of spelling S.O.S. in the sand on a stranded island? Because let's just call this that.
6. Visitors at work! I love when people come visit me at work. I am really the only person who has a revolving door of friends that stop in, but it makes me feel special? I don't know that special is the right word. Supported? I love that the people I love come in to eat. I think that says something. It also ends in countless jokes of "Erratic has friends?" Which are ALWAYS hilarious. (get better jokes, boys)
7. House hunting. I am driving the boy crazy because I get all excited and decorate every single house I like. I picture dinner parties and imagine where my friends will stand in the kitchen while I cook. I put our furniture in every room of the house. I hang our artwork on the walls. I see myself walking into the house after a long days work. It's just what I do. I am very enthusiastic (shut up all of you, I know that is an understatement) when I like something, love something, want to do something. And I am impatient. And I want to do everything right now. I know this isn't like that. I know that it is a process and we still need a couple of months to get enough for the down payment. But, you can't knock a girl for enthusiasm or imagination. 
8. My new fitness plan? I am not sure that is what I want to call it. The next step in my lifestyle overhaul. I have been talking to Bradshaw about all of it because nobody is more dedicated to being in shape than that woman. I feel like I have been making small, good changes that will stick. And I am excited for the next step in those changes. I am eliminating bad things, slowly. Adding good things, slowly. I think I am doing this the right way instead of jumping into something head over heels and then reverting back to the old plan. That never works for me. And I am excited that I know myself enough to realize that.
9. Packing. Is that weird? I know it is months down the road (although, we are going to start packing nonessentials fairly soon.) I just love the weeding out aspect of it. It feels so...freeing to get rid of all your old bullshit. That I will soon replace with new bullshit. But, still. Out with the old, in with the new. Who wants to help us move?
10. The giant wine sale at my grocery store. I walked into the section today and it was like rows and rows of yellow sale stickers. Like, every bottle. I didn't grab a cart or basket, so I could only hold four bottles. But, they were easily all $3 - $20 off depending on the bottle. I have intentions of going back tomorrow with a cart. And no self control. Maybe a little self control. I got a $24 bottle of wine for $12! You guys. Amazing. My liver is going to start it's own emo blog entitled "Why do you hate me?"

Maybe it is time to reconsider Facebook

So, my grandmother joined Facebook. And for those of you who are new and haven't read the archives, please click on the "conversations with grandma" link in the sidebar. 

I have had the following comments on my Facebook page over the past few weeks.

In response to a check in: "AND? I am not a read between the lines kind of girl. luvum." (She signs every single written communication luvum.)

On my wall: "Did you make the shushi? looks good. How are ya? Did you get your valentine? luvum."

On my wall" "I can't seem to get through. Oh well. luvum."

In response to my facebook status about me having a bad day. "Why if I might ask waht happened I cannot sympathize with that I don't know...luvm." (sometimes she forgets a u. Or adds a u. Nobody can be sure.)

In response to my disappointment in the Ohio election. "in what? MJ" (MJ are her initials.)

In response to a post about Robin Thicke. Which is random, I realize. " I knew that. I forgot! When I heard the name thaat is what I thought I heard him once is it ok to say I thought him ok! But then I htouhgtb dadddy was a  jerk. m"

This had nothing to do with what I posted. HOWEVER. The woman gives me a Penzies spice catalog every time I see her. Also, she asks me this every single time I talk to her. "So you will work all week no break? Yuck!!!!!! Do you go to Penzies the spice place? You have one don't you? Do you ge ttheir catalog interesting! luvm" 

In response to a lazy Sunday post. "dont thinks o bunkie thats burning your candle at both ends Not working today? Ya didn't get blown away? isnt it awful? luvm"   

On one post where I said I was going to the seafood market and making Thai food. "o I will try again I can't seem to get htis luvum" and "waht do you know about eatig Kevin? luvum" and "ahhhhhhhhhhh I get it! luvum" and finally "this is so easy I am going to be a facebook nut! luvum."

All spelling errors are left in for comedic purposes. 

My mother had to go over to her house and show her how to use it. And specifically told her to stop signing all her posts with luvum. Clearly she got the point. (She didn't.) And now when she calls me, she grills me about everything I have posted on Facebook in the past week. 

Is it wrong to block my grandmother?

Things that are dead to me: A not so much surviving anymore story.

1. All people that have come into the restaurant this week and demanded a "fill in the blank with the latest food trend" meal. Go. Die.
2. The woman who pulled into the parking spot in front of me so I couldn't pull through. BITCH, I AM TOO TIRED TO BACK UP.
3. Myself for volunteering to pick up sanitizer for work on the way home. Which turned into three trips. 
4. Anything that is not wine or pajama pants.
5. Every publication that decided to print copy on us during restaurant week. Thanks, giant centerfold in local paper, column in other local paper, review on blog, and Traveler magazine. The accolades are bad ass...next week. This week, you are dead to me.
6. The 6 million iPhone games that I play that won't stop notifying me. I will get to it. But, the constant vibrating pocket while getting my ass handed to me on a platter, not cool.
7. Pork Belly. Because we thought we could get through the week on 4. I ordered 10 more this morning. And will probably have to order 4 more on Friday. And they take like 4 hours of prep. That I have to do by myself because I created the recipe. So, once again, I may be dead to me.
8. The teenager dressed in all black who ran in front of my car in a poorly lit parking lot. Hey, ass hat, my car is bigger than you and your stupid fucking tank top with giant arm holes. I WIN, MOTHER FUCKER. 
9. Tall people. I am so sick of people stacking shit too high for me to reach the top, I could punch a baby. Don't worry, not your baby. Another baby. An evil baby. A TALL BABY.
10. My empty wine glass and it's inability to fill itself. 

31 hours in three days. I give, restaurant week. You win.

RW Day 1: A survivors story

Does it seem like it is ALWAYS restaurant week to anyone else? Because it seems that way to me.

Also, I realized today that I have been at my job for 7 months! What the what? That is nuts.

We are including lunch in the fray this time, running a daily feature, dessert, and drink for $10. That is a deal let me tell you. And a local online blog reviewed it! And liked it! And posted it on their very famous, very well read blog. Which means the rest of my week is going to be a living hell. And I am OK with it.

On to the fun stuff...pictures of the items I have on the menu. Two I conceptualized and executed. Two I just executed. 

 Margherita Salad with fried pita croutons.

 Steamed Mussels in Spicy Lemongrass Broth with Cilantro, Mint, and Basil.

 Warm Brussells Sprout Salad with bacon vinaigrette. Oh, wait. My fingers. (did not realize this happened until I went to upload these pictures. I left it in because, well, why not?)

Roasted Pork Belly with sherry vinegar gastrique. 

High school sucks, my cat loves me, and OBSESSION.

1. I feel like I am inundating you guys with high school drama. But, I finally confronted that ass hole at work and said my peace. He agreed to keep his distance. So, we are civil and I get to keep my job. A large part of me still wants to run like my ass is on fire away from him, but I really love my job. And when I talked to some of my coworkers about leaving, it was clear that they love me too. It is always nice when the love goes both ways.
2. NCH apparently likes me? At least for now? When the boy first left for Vegas, I never saw him. He was off doing whatever it is cats do. I say building nuclear weapons, you probably say chasing yarn. We'll agree to disagree. However, now he sits on my lap and actually lets me pick him up and pet him without trying to kill me! It feels like a trap.
3. It's Restaurant Week again! I have two, kind of three, items on the menu. Roasted pork belly with maple gastrique, Thai mussels, and warm Brussels sprout salad. The owner did something different this time, though. He made ballots so that the diners get to vote on which menu item they like best. It is me versus the ass hole and the sous chef who is brilliant. (We were the only three who worked on the menu.) So, if you are in the area, stop in and eat! And vote for me! Dinner only. But, seriously, it would mean so much.
4. The boy returned from Vegas sick. So, we have quarantined ourselves to separate parts of the house because this is NOT the week for me to get sick. Sore throats and coughing do not go well with cooking food.
5. I am not sure if you have noticed, but when I start something, I become OBSESSED with it. Like, borderline crazy. I think about it, dream about it, it is everything. So, the past few weeks have been spent with me looking at houses, sending them to the boy who says we aren't ready to buy yet, to me looking at more houses, sending them to the boy, you get the picture. I have like 4 houses already decorated with our furniture. And I may or may not have already found the dining room table I want. And POSSIBLY already arranged all the furniture. I would like to note for the record that we haven't even LOOKED at any of these houses yet. 
6. Last night, I went to dinner with my dad, stepmom, and their best couple friends. Now I didn't just accidentally end up the way that I am. At one point my father called me a cocksucker. To which I replied, "Dad, you probably shouldn't call your daughter a cocksucker." He got this puzzled look on his face, then, oh, comprehension. To which he replied, "Fuck it. You're all a bunch of cocksuckers." Keeping it classy, we are.
7. It has been unseasonably warm. Until yesterday, I hadn't turned the heat on in my car in a month. I cranked the heat and was still shivering. What the hell? I turned it up higher. Still freezing. After about 15 minutes of shivering and trying to figure out what was going on, I looked down and saw that the air conditioner was on. Then I remembered that, yes, in fact, the last time I had air going in my car it was A/C. Today it snowed. It is supposed to be 60 on Wednesday. It is starting to freak me out a little bit.
8. I think I have iPhone thumb. Is that a thing? I may or may not have played a gazillion "with friends" versions of games. I am obsessed. And the joint on my right thumb aches now. Dear. Lord.
9. I want a house downtown with a porch and hardwood floors and a fireplace and a kitchen that has enough room for me to actually cook SO BAD. Obsessed. You guys. Obsessed. This is my current obsession. How cute is this house? Please send a bottle of wine, a therapist, an interventionist, and self control. Thanks.

10. I just finished a series of books that have left me...perplexed. Have any of you read the Witch and Wizard series by James Patterson? His Alex Cross novels are some of my favorite quick read crime novels...or as I call them...airport books. Because, well, you are not going to read Chaucer in the airport. But I don't know what to think of these books. They seem...terrible. Not Twilight terrible...just crime novel with magic written by someone who knows very little about the sci-fi world. There are rules, kind of. And this seems to defy them in a way I can't decide if I like or not. I need to discuss but know no one who has read them.

(somehow putting in that picture screwed up my bullet points. I apologize for them not lining up, but I have fucked with the HTML code for like an hour and I give up. I am sure it is easy to fix. You would think I was never a programmer for years or anything. FAILING AT LIFE.)

Drunken Quotes with Tini

"Did I just ask questions about your "TMI" story? You know you are good friends when you ask questions. Also I may have boundary issues." 

***

"Weight loss is like puberty, it changes the way you masturbate."

"YOU MIGHT SECRETLY BE RON JEREMY."

"Talk to me in six months. I may be Ron Jeremy in six months."

***

"I need a shot and a beer."

"I was going to make my drink first."

"So, it's all about you now?"

"Yes."

***

"I don't feel like a lot of people put you on the pedestal I put you on."

***

"He is your friend. Not the keeper of your penis."

***

"Why am I a gay man?"

"I need you to be a gay man."

"But, I am not a man!"

"It doesn't matter. I need you to be a gay man."

***

"I remember when my mom was 4'11". Wait, she's still 4'11". 

Be Safe.

If you haven't been following, the midwest is being hammered by tornadoes right now. Whole towns have been leveled by the storms, killing many people in it's path. 

F4 and F5 tornadoes. 

Brian Williams said that this is the worst tornado our generation has ever been through. 

Whole towns have been leveled. I can't even comprehend that.

My point is, while I sit here safely out of harms way, I hope all of you are safe as well. And while I don't pray, I will think a lot of happy thoughts for these people. And watch the news. And drink beer. And hope that everyone else who is in this storms path has enough warning to seek shelter.