There are certain types of people that I cannot handle. It's not even a matter of not getting along with them, I simply do not know how to respond to them in a way that is appropriate. I think everyone has these people in their life in one way or another. I know I do.
The person who throws everyone under the bus. Nothing is ever their fault, it is always some other person's fault. I am honest, if it is someone else's fault, I won't cover for them. But, I NEVER blame my bullshit on other people.
The person who thinks faster is always better. Seriously, have they not heard the bullshit about the tortoise? Slow and steady wins the race, fuckers. Not frantic. And you add wielding knives to that frantic energy and you are downright dangerous.
The person who is always trying to reinvent the wheel. Like, instead of just, say, chopping onions, they come up with this convoluted process that has so many steps it is ineffective. People have been chopping onions since before chef knives existed. Just improve your knife skills, douche.
People who are always right. I had this conversation today.
Me: Did you put water in the grease tray?
Fucker who is always right: Yes
Me: Really? Because the chickens are on fire.
FWIAR: No they're not.
Me: Then someone slipped acid in my water bottle. I see flames.
FWIAR: There is just a string on fire.
Me: Dude, the tray is on fucking fire. Are you getting baking soda or am I?
Manager: Are you aware that the chickens are on fire?
FWIAR: No they're not.
At that point, I threw my hands in the air and stormed out of the room to get baking soda.
The person who can't spell and refuses to ask. One of my jobs (because I am anal and wanted it) is to organize the walk-in at the end of the night. I am not even kidding, I have seen the following:
cheder (cheddar)
nin (nine)
palmo (pimento)
salry (celery)
grooyare (gruyere)
Needless to say I had an evening filled with all of the above and then some. I am so glad to be home enjoying a beer and blogging.
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