Monday, December 7, 2009

Not so crazy after all...

Hoarders. Hm.

Goats have eaten through your walls.

There are feet of used adult diapers covering the floor in your house. Yes, I said feet.

The health department has declared your house uninhabitable.

You have not had water or gas for two years.

Animals have defecated all over your home.

You fell off your medical toilet and laid in your own waste being eaten by bugs until the fire department broke down the door and rescued you.

I understand mental illness. I understand that people have compulsions that cannot be rationally explained. I have some of my own - a very strong dislike for odd numbers, except multiples of five. I am claustrophobic to the point that I will claw your eyes out if you close in my face and upper body and I can't move my arms. I am terrified of bugs and have had panic attacks when faced with them.

I get crazy.

Hoarders? I do not get that crazy. I just don't. I cannot, on any level, comprehend how it gets there. How you have so much feces and urine in your bathroom that it eats through the floor and the foundation into the basement.

The thought of the smell makes me gag.

What I really don't get? How can your family have no idea this is going on? I realize that I might be abnormally close to my family, but at some point don't you at least notice that your mother smells like sewage? Don't you at least ask why?

If you have never seen this show, don't start watching. Trust me on this. It makes you want to walk up to every single house with a messy yard and ask if they need help. It makes my stack of things to be filed seem so much more normal, I almost want to hug it. In fact, I may throw it all over my living room and roll in it.

Most of all, it makes realize that my family is pretty kick ass because they would walk in and be like, "Dude, Erratic, your house smells like shit." And it would just be the trash.

Update: I meant, like, there was some chicken from last nights dinner in the trash and it started to smell. Not, the trash covering my floor. I mean, there isn't trash covering my floor. Or anything other than rugs. And probably some dog hair. And maybe some synthetic pine needles from the tree, we haven't vacuumed. STOP JUDGING ME. I will vacuum tomorrow.


Bradshaw said...

That sounds AWFUL. Never watching it. Never. But thanks for the heads up.

Big Jed said...

After watching that show, I feel completely comfortable with the dog hair tumbleweeds that sometimes appear on my floor. I haven't watched the one you're talking about yet, but I heard about it. Aren't you glad me and The Boy told you to watch it? You're welcome.