Christmas, Part I

Christmas was oddly calm this year. My holidays are usually spent flying or driving all over the country to see various members of my family. Everyone will meet in one city and Christmas is mass chaos. There is always drama, as my family tends to cause trouble wherever we go. Lies are told, people are manipulated, and someone always ends up in tears. Merry Christmas, right? This year was totally different. The boy and I drove to St. Louis and spent the weekend before Christmas with my mother, stepfather, grandmother, sister, and my sister's fiance. All the boy did was sleep and eat and I feel like I didn't do a whole hell of a lot more than that. It was boring. In a really really good way.

The only excitement came from my grandmother...who we all know is a tad off her rocker. We were supposed to all gather (my other three aunts - the drama makers - and everyone listed above) in St. Louis. My aunts scheduled a craft show for that weekend, so we cancelled the family gift exchange and decided to just buy small for everyone. My grandmother claimed that my mom (the bearer of bad news) cancelled Christmas and my grandmother wanted nothing to do with it. So, when we arrived, we were not sure what to expect. I called her when we got there because otherwise we get a frantic phone call claiming I am dead somewhere in Illinois.

Erratic: "I just wanted to call and let you know I made it safe and sound."

Grandma: groans

Erratic: "Are you OK?"

Grandma: "I have had a migraine for a week. I can't leave the house. I think I am dying."

Erratic: "You are not dying. Have you called the doctor?"

Grandma: "Yes, he put me on steroids."

Erratic: "So, you left the house to go to the doctor?"

Grandma: groans

Erratic: "OK, well, get some sleep, I will call you tomorrow."

The next morning she told my mom that she hasn't eaten in 5 days, so we made chicken noodle soup and went grocery shopping for a bunch of migraine-friendly food. When we got to her house, she was fine. I mean, completely and totally fine. She was ranting and raving about how China is trying to kill us and she refuses to buy anything made in China, even though I pointed out like 14 things IN THE ROOM that were made in China. Sigh.

So, we had to postpone Christmas until she "felt better" which caused everyone to say over and over, "Where's grandma, I want to open presents," something I said a few years earlier and have not lived down. I hate surprises and tend to get a tad impatient when there are 15 wrapped surprises in my presence. Let's just say my biggest childhood accomplishment was steaming open presents and then wrapping them and never getting caught. Oh, and taking the hinges off of closet doors that were locked. That served well both for presents and liquor.

When we left, my step dad, who even hates his own children, told the boy what a pleasure it was to have him this weekend and stated it was the best Christmas he has ever had with my family. It took me most of the drive home to recover from this.

Christmas part II will follow shortly.