Monday, September 10, 2012

This started as a live blog of The Voice??

Today I...

Almost live blogged The Voice.

Returned a large portion of a gas pump to an attendant who glared at me because, apparently, leaving it on the ground was the right answer.

Found out someone in my bosses life died, but not whom it was. Who it was? That baffles me. Grammar fail.

Got pissed off at Time Warner.

Got really pissed off at PNC Bank.

Fought with the decision to choose whiskey or not choose whiskey. I chose whiskey. 

Worked 10 hours.

Had someone walk into my backyard (which is unlocked due to workers) and run off when I said, "hey baby," thinking it was the boy. Level of boy paranoia? 740987490871329843

Haven't slept since Saturday night, so I am just not going to count that day, but I am exhausted. And whiskey. So, you know, QUEEN OF RATIONAL.

I am happy. I am healthy. I am not depressed. I have fought depression. I think I still fight depression. Happy and Healthy. That is a thing for me. If I have those two things, I am good. I can get through anything with Happy and Healthy. I guess it is my mantra, though if anyone of you ever tells me that YOU have a mantra, I will mock you incessantly. As I expect you to do to me in return. 

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. I have, kind of been suicidal. Not realistically. More of the I am so unhappy I need someone to notice me variety. I have never truly considered taking my own life. I realize what I just wrote, but I was a kid. I won't hold that against me. 

There are kids that are REALLY there. There are adults that are REALLY there. People consider it every single day. And commit suicide every single day. I just want to share some links that mean something to me. I may not touch a single person. Maybe I will touch one. Who knows. But, I don't care if I have ever met you. I don't care if you are 1000 miles away, I will be there. I mean that. Truly.

Nobody is normal. And nobody should be afraid of who they are. Much less ashamed. Unique is beautiful. 

Most days I need to believe my own words for me, and I get that. But, I really fucking believe them for all of you. 


Rachael Heiner said...

I just want to say thanks, this is a good post. Which sounds lame out loud, but whatever. There it is.

Erratic said...

It does not sound lame out loud. :) Not even a little. What would be lame is if I thanked you for thanking me. Which I just did. Team lame.