Friday, July 15, 2011

I almost killed Harry Potter

Alternate Title: I am the dark lord.

Last night was the premiere of the final Harry Potter Movie. Which, in any other circumstance, I am all about. Last night was the first time I have ever doubted my loyalty. The first time that I have ever thought, you know, I want to kill Harry Potter. And get a snake.

I work at an outdoor mall that has a large movie theater. One of my coworkers was transferred to a different location and we went out for farewell drinks after work. We were all oblivious to the horror that awaited until we walked out of the bar and swarms of wizards were coming out of the theater. You guys, I have never seen anything like it in my life. Gryffindor scarves, robes, wands, and so many people we couldn't see. There were people fucking everywhere.

I get to the parking garage and it was just cars. Non moving cars. Hoards of wizards in non moving cars.

I was laughing. Oh, haha, this is so crazy. Giggle, giggle. Surely we will start moving soon.

We didn't.

I was texting Iceburg Jones who was having similar problems on the other side of the garage. Angry texting. Murderous texting.

Once I finally got my car out of the parking spot I was in, I immediately went into "I know this garage better than you do" mode and "I am going to kill all of you right now" mode.

I told a woman if she didn't fucking move, I would run her over. Told may be an understatement. I screamed it out the window. I almost rear ended Iceburg Jones after I almost ran that bitch over. I gripped my steering will so hard I think I almost broke it.

THEN. THEN. I had to pee. So I had to stop at the ghetto gas station by the airport to pee.

We left a little before 2 am. I got home at 3:10 am in a murderous rage.

I got on my laptop to, you know, calm down and read some blogs. Iceburg Jones sent me a gchat that just said THESE WERE YOUR PEOPLE. HOW COULD THESE BE YOUR PEOPLE? I laughed so hard I peed a little.

I am still going to see the movie tonight, despite the fact that last night I really thought I was going to run over every costumed ass hole in that parking garage. 

Lesson learned, I suppose.


Phnx65 said...

love the post. laughed out loud, which I needed on this never-ending Friday work day. Thanks!

Josey said...

I just read this out loud to my Harry Potter loving family b/c I was laughing so hard. Awesome. :)