Weather, Infection, and the tickets are now diamonds

I am still alive, I swear. I have just been, well, blah. I haven't really had anything of interest to write about. Plus, the weather has been fucking awesome. Like, I sat on my deck and got sunburned the other day. SUN MOTHER FUCKING BURNED. It hurts in the most awesome way. And, "It Hurts So Good" just popped in my head. This, right here, is why I haven't been posting. Nobody and I mean nobody needs to hear about sunburns and random songs popping in my head.

My sister's bridal shower/ bachelorette party is this Saturday and I am kind of freaking out because she is bridezilla and I am not exactly the perfect picture of calm when faced with adversity. So...I am going to overdose on Xanax and hope for the best. Oh, and beer. Lots and lots of beer. More than likely, I will just grit my teeth and bear it because it is her moment and I will suffer her misery only to give it back tenfold if/when I ever get married. Yes, I am mostly evil.

I also had a tiny little medical problem that everyone I have told has freaked out about. I got a staph infection on my neck, which they think is MRSA. Yeah, google that shit. Just, ew. BUT! I am keeping it isolated and covered and antibiotics and OMG I AM NOT A LEPER. I had problems with this as a kid/teenager. Like, I spent hours upon hours seeing doctors at the center for disease control. So, the first sign of a bump, I rushed to the urgent care across the street and am hoping it is a rare isolated incident I picked up at work. I mean, work is essentially a hospital, so work with me here. I picked it up at work. Say it with me (for, you know, support.) If I have to go through this again, seriously, this blog is going to get really fucking whiny.

I have also started having some serious nightmares about becoming a chef. Like, the other night I had a sit straight up in bed, covered in sweat, can't catch your breath nightmare about Polenta. POLENTA. I know that it is just insecurity and due to the fact that I am working at getting a real, holy shit I am legit, job in a kitchen. Like, cooking food and shit. And I am freaking out because if I fail, if I just plain suck, that's it. It's not like my former world, where you just find another job. Your reputation follows you for a long time in this industry. And I feel just so fucking...unworthy. Oh, the joys of insecurity. Typing this right now, my heart is racing. Holy fuck, I need medication.

I am going to leave you with the best fucking commercial ever made in the history of ever. Like, I stop fast forwarding through commercials to watch this. I just watched it when I got the link for the video. Then I tweeted it. I love this commercial.

I would have just embedded the video, but that is what the boy is for and he is currently in the basement having sex with his iPad. I expect to see him around September.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE