Alfred Hitchock, radishes, and I blame sleep deprivation for this entire post.

I really fought the whole social media trend. I did. I had a blog for years, but I kept it private. I still have a lot of the posts, actually. And they are poetry and a bunch of emo posts where I talk about how I wish my life was all sunshine and rainbows, but really it is all dying flowers and other emo shit. I don't know, I went through a phase. OK, I lied. I am kind of emo. In a "heh, I am totally not emo (OMG! DO YOU THINK THEY KNOW?)" kind of way. But, seriously, there are moods only Dashboard Confessional is appropriate for. Please still love me.

I just told you that, didn't I?

So, when I finally joined MySpace I was skeptical. I didn't want to find 100 people from my past that I don't talk to for a reason. And, really? I didn't. I found a few, a happy few, and followed a bunch of local bands and filled out the "All About Me" surveys. A lot of the surveys. Sometimes I even googled surveys and copied and pasted them and made the subject line look like I copied it from someone else. I almost never told the truth on them...I made up the answers or answered them all with "I am Batman" or some shit because I thought I was funny or ironic or something else it totally was not. Alcohol may or may not have been involved.

I was at my sister's apartment when she was in college and her friend made me sign up for Facebook. I felt kind of stupid because at the time it was a college thing and I was a college drop out ten times over. But, I did it anyway and it was sort of, meh. I had, like, four friends. Over time, most of my friends joined and it was a fun way to keep up with everyone.

Then it happened. (please read the rest of this post to horror music, preferably Alfred Hitchcock style.)

A friend from high school recommended that I join our high school graduation year page.So, I became a fan or joined or some shit and all of a sudden EVERYONE I ALWAYS HATED was there. Friend recommendations. Friend requests. I got friend requests from people I didn't even remember. I looked at my yearbook and STILL didn't know who they were. It died down and all was OK. I was fine. It was people I could live with and it was whatever.

Then...(climax of Alfred Hitchcock related music)...they started coming out of the woodwork. Girl who has 1500 friends and is wearing her underwear in her picture. Guy who now lives in San Francisco and is a club promoter and possibly jaundiced. Or tan. I am going with jaundiced. Giant dork who became a model. All of the people who somehow validate their existence by the number of friends they have on Facebook. They all sent me friend requests. And I accepted. Because I am a fucking nut case.

I now have 182 friends. Can we talk for a second about how I talk to, like 15 of those people regularly? There are still 20 or so that I can't remember. Maybe I never even knew them. Maybe it is some giant social experiment where they say they went to high school with me and post subliminal messages through Facebook and eventually I am in a cult in Utah farming radishes.

I sort of lost my way on this post a few rants ago, but seriously, I hate Facebook. Oh, and you should probably turn off the horror music now. Thanks for playing along, even if the music was only in your head. Fuck that, ESPECIALLY if the music was only in your head.

(I have more updates and info on the drama of the past weekend, but I just can't yet. I need some more time to process. And I know a lot of you are concerned, or feigning concern, and I promise I will provide closure to this story when I finally have an ending. )

I have radishes to attend to.