Thursday, September 3, 2009

Mortgage Gate 2009

Let's go back in time, shall we? It is early August - say the 6th - and I go online to pay the mortgage. This page pops up explaining if I have a Freddie Mac or Fannie Mae loan to call this number, if my loan is behind to call this number, if my mortgage is none of the above to call this number. Then I can click on a link to be redirected to my mortgage companies home page.

I try to log on. It rejects my log on until I lock my account. I use the same password for everything so I am thoroughly confused. I realize that is not secure, but I look at it this way - if you want to log on to my mortgage company and make a payment, be my guest.

I call the number I always call when I have mortgage issues and it rings busy. Huh. I go back to the home page to get that number for the "none of the above" and call it. It has been disconnected.

Now, at this point, I have two choices; I can lose my shit and tele-stalk the mortgage company until someone answers and promptly yell at them or I can try again tomorrow. I opt for the latter because these days, I would be scared what that poor person on the other end of the phone would have to hear.

This goes on for several days - me trying all the numbers, none of them working.

Mrs. Williams and I used the same person for our last refi, so she has the same mortgage company and gets a letter in the mail with a phone number, address to mail the payment, etc. We call that number.

"We are sorry, due to unforeseen circumstances, we are unable to process your request." No options. Just a recording and it hangs up.

What. The. Fuck.

At this point, I am just like screw it. I mean, if they don't want my money, they can suck it. (Please note: my patience for these kinds of things is fairly nonexistent.) It is about the 20th now and I figure someone will call because I have not made my payment and I will yell at them.

No call. I try a few more times. Everything is disconnected.

I FINALLY get my letter in the mail. It is dated August 23rd and I got it September 1st. It is a different company than Mrs. Williams. Now, by this time we have learned that the previous mortgage company filed Chapter 11 and the government seized all the loans and were selling them to various other mortgage companies. Mine appeared to have been bought by a subsidiary of Bank of America.

I think oh! Bank of America! That is a big company. Surely I can call them to pay my mortgage.

I try their website. They do not recognize my new or old account number.

I call the number in my letter. Due to unforeseen circumstances, they cannot take my mother fucking call.

I call the Bank of America mortgage customer service number. They have no record of me anywhere ever.

I called every single number ever associated with any company I have ever had my mortgage through in the history of the 7 year ownership. NOBODY HAD ANY IDEA WHO I WAS NOR WOULD THEY TAKE MY FUCKING MONEY. At this point I was willing to give it away, just so I could say I paid my mortgage.

Obviously, I needed to take a deep breath and a step back. And drink. A lot.

So, yesterday, I turned my living room into the mortgage fortress and, son of a bitch, someone was taking my mortgage payment. I finally get through to my former mortgage company. Sort of. The message said:

"You have reached Mortgage Company, your call is important to us. Please wait on the line for the next available operator. Thank you."

Except it sounded like this:

"You have (someone eats the phone) Company, your (a dog is licking the mouthpiece of the phone) us. Please wait (they throw the phone on the runway of some random airport and bolt.)"

Huh. But it doesn't hang up on me! So, I decide to sit on hold, while the phone periodically broadcasts from a cave in a third world country while being mauled by lions. FINALLY! Someone picks up.

"Hello" (yes, he just said hello)

"Oh my God you guys have been impossible to get a hold of and I have no idea how to pay my mortgage and this is completely ridiculous and oh my God I cannot believe that someone answered the phone please tell me you can help."

"Yeah, we have been getting this a lot. What's your account number?"

"My new one or my old one or my old old one or the one I made up because this has seriously been that ridiculous, I totally tried putting made up account numbers in the Bank of America website."

"Um...your old one. When you were with Mortgage Company. Did you get a letter in the mail?"

"Yes, but all the numbers were disconnected and I wasn't just going to mail my check and cross my fingers because that seems stupid and I have a friend who was with you guys and got a different letter and it all sort of seemed like a scam."

He then proceeds to explain to me all about the government crap and how everything is a total cluster fuck and I should just mail my mortgage check to the address I got in the mail and stop being so paranoid. He also suggested that I not pay September yet, because my mortgage was one of the ones that has not been "worked out" and it may not end up at this subsidiary of Bank of America.

I totally picture some dude in a room surrounded by payment envelopes eating an apple with a very confused look on his face. I assume this check will clear in, oh, 2040.

1 comment:

Gypsy said...

Wow. That's kind of terrifying.