Traffic. Rehab is across town and rush hour traffic blew. Mostly going the other way. I felt REALLY bad for them, but every time someone hit the breaks a string of obscenities leaked out. Then traffic would move and I would go back to feeling sorry for the other people.
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Jeeps. "It's a Jeep Thing" "If you can read this roll me over" "Only in a jeep" with a picture of a smiley face wearing some sort of headband? Seriously people, it is a car, not a cult. Stop being such a bag of douches.
OMG. I am totally going to make a bumper sticker that just says douche and start randomly putting it over the word Jeep every time I see that bumper sticker. BEST. IDEA. EVER.
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White Zombie's "More Human Than Human." That song starts of all kinds of awesome and I am subtly head banging and thinking, wow, I love this song. Then the chorus comes and he says More Human Than Human like 7 billion times and I am thinking, wow, this song is annoying. Then the next verse comes and I love it. Chorus, hate it. Love. Hate. And then my eye starts twitching.
So, fuck you Rob Zombie. Also? I love you.
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Work.
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Those commercials for the new Hanes underwear that doesn't ride up. Is this seriously THAT much of a problem? I don't have an ass, so I really don't know. My underwear problem? Poopy Pants Butt. Because unless pants have some kind of stretchy material or fit no where else, my ass is not filling them out. And every time I lose weight, the ass is the first thing to go. But, no, giant boobs, you can't get smaller. Sigh. What was I mad about? Oh, right. Well, the woman is in the produce section and she has the biggest wedgie in the history of man and is contorting her body to try to get it out, when somebody busts her. And then the commercial is like "don't let his happen to you."
It felt very after school special. About underwear.
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The boy will not let me have completely unreasonable wild animals. Every time someone sends me a forward with cute animals, he gets an email that says something like; "I WANT A KOALA." He responds with 101 reasons why a Koala in a condo is a VERY bad idea, and, oh, isn't it illegal?So, I respond, logically, with "I WANT AN OTTER." And he is all NO OTTER and now I am just sad. I really do want an otter.
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The Brat and Craft festival at the church down the street. Coupled with the worst planned construction project in the history of the world, I am locking myself in the house and not leaving until all the crazy, crafty, brat-loving, God fearing people go back to where they came from. Or I'll just walk to a bar.
I think I have anger issues today. I am going to remedy it with a big girl glass of wine and take out.
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11 comments:
No Otter!!
BUT I WANT AN OTTER.
See, internet? Do you see the conditions I am forced to live in?
I know it is none of my business, but I think you should get an otter. They are so cute and playful and probably no trouble at all. Consider this a pro-otter vote.
NO Otters!!!
Jeez. SOMEONE is a little sensitive about the otters. You said you wanted a hot tub - you could share it with an otter!
Dear The Boy -- you OTTER at least consider it. (God, I kill myself). For chrissakes, Erratic keeps you well stocked with all kinds of beverages, I think sharing your hot tub with an otter is a small price to pay.
No Otter! it will kill us in our sleep... thats what they do. Brutalism I would need a lot more beverages......
This is completely making my day, which thus far has been total crap.
Otters do not kill people in their sleep. That is Koala's.
Erratic is right, The Boy. Koalas (and iguanas) will kill you in your sleep. Otters may rouse you for a friendly game of catch...but they are not murderous creatures. There. It's decided. I hope you name your otter Brutalism.
I am also PRO-OTTER, but my favorite part of your post is the idea of replacing the word Jeep with the word douche. I want to drive to your work and give you all the money I have just to start things up.
No Otters! Fill free to rename jeeps but No Otters
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