Idiots Procreating

There is one thing that never ceases to amaze me - idiots. There are people on this earth who are literally too stupid to survive. If we were cave men and women, these people would be walking repeatedly into a cave wall wondering why they weren't getting anywhere.

Let me set the scene for you. I needed note cards and tape. I live by about 10 billion retail stores, all of which should carry note cards and tape. I start at Meijer. Those of you who do not know what a Meijer is - picture Wal-mart with less efficient workers. Meijer has tape. Meijer does not have note cards. On to Target. Target has tape. Target does not have note cards. I am beginning to think that there is some card stock shortage I am not aware of. I begin to panic.

I decide to go to Office Max. Or Office Depot. I can't tell the difference. I mean, come on, a little creativity here people. How about something like Paper, Pens, and Notebooks, Oh My! Ok, that was lame. But, you get the point. If Staples can do it, so can you Office "I sound like everybody else" place. I find what I need (yay!) and proceed to the checkout. There is a man approximately the size of earth checking out. The following conversation takes place.

Earth: "What is your return policy?"

Clerk: "On which product?" (he was purchasing a computer and miscellaneous computer related things)

Earth: "All of it."

Clerk: "Well, sir, the computer can only be returned if it is in some way damaged or malfunctioning. Everything else can be returned only if it is unopened."

Earth: "So, what happens if my son turns on the computer and it won't turn on." (at this point, I am thinking, well, did it turn on or didn't it?)

Clerk: "That would mean it was malfunctioning sir. He could return it."

Earth: "What if it is was opened."

Clerk: "Sir, that policy only applies to the other items."

Earth: "So, what if I open the cds and they don't work."

Clerk: "Well, sir, that really isn't how blank cds work."

Earth: "Well, what if it happens?"

Clerk: "Then you can return it."

Earth: "So really your policy isn't totally binding...

And it went on like this for at least 7 years. As soon as earth guy walks out of the store (with his earth sized family) everyone cracks up. Like, who buys a computer from Office Place? Duh.

My transaction takes approximately a nano second, and I am on my way. I walk out into the parking lot and see Earth family getting into the van. As Earth daughter is climbing in, Earth father just takes off. His daughter is literally hanging out of the side of the car. Luckily she was able to pull herself in before they got on the highway. The only conclusion I can come to is in a moment of clarity, Earth dad realized that the only humane thing to do was to kill off his own spawn and stop the spread of stupidity.