Sunday, November 4, 2012

This is a very needy post...but all advice is appreciated.

  1. Neil is back to peeing on everything. We took him to the vet yesterday and got bladder stones. So, it is definitely behavioral. Anyone know how to psychoanalyze a cat? Because we are at a loss and kind of just want him to stop peeing on everything. And kitty Xanax, while hilarious, does not seem to be helping.
  2. I have a pet peeve about things like Jesus toast. Dude. It's a coincidence, it is not a sign from God conveyed on your toast that you are somehow more blessed than the average person. It is also not worth a crazy amount of money on eBay. So, we are watching the game on Saturday and a friend pulls out a picture from a fire that her store had and asked me what I saw. I immediately blurt out "death having dinner with a rabbit." Because, well, that's what it looked like. Everyone else thought it was a penis with an angel. They were wrong. It even had a cute little bunny nose. Little did I know, the person who took it thought it was the Virgin Mary and Joseph. She was also wrong. It was death having dinner with a rabbit. I couldn't get a good picture of the picture or I would show you and you would all agree. Because I am right.
  3. I am doing a chef's dinner to benefit a friend of mine's daughter. She has inoperable brain cancer and is dying. The doctors gave her 1 month once the tumor starts growing again. I am hoping that it never does, but that is only a 3% chance. I am super nervous because I have never really done anything like this and I want it to be perfect for my friend. And I want to raise a bunch of money for their charity. But, I am donating all the food, so I have to do it on a serious budget. Does a hummus app, beet salad, grilled pork tenderloin, and tres leches cake sound like a decent dinner for like $50? Or is that way too much? UGH. So nerve wracking. That is $12.50 a course. That is reasonable, right? 
  4. We finally hung out with our neighbors on Halloween. They came over for trick or treat and to hang out. We have the same house, so it was kind of fun to hear about all the differences and I can't wait to see their house. I was really nervous because what if they were terrible? What if you hate them and now there is this awkward neighbor vibe? That is not at all what happened. They were beyond awesome. He is a super computer dork like the boy and she is kind of artsy and out there like me. We hit it off immediately and I can't wait until we get to hang out with them again. 
  5. I was painting the trim in our bathroom and that is sort of Neils room because his food and litterbox is in there. I now have a spotted cat. Because, of course, our trim is white. And he is not. How do I not foresee these things?
  6. So, I have two pinterest stories. The first is that it makes me want to dress in a stylish manner. Most of  my time is surrounded by guys in chef coats that smell like fryer oil. It's not super inspiring to try to dress better. Pinterest has the opposite effect. I pin outfit after outfit that I love. But, I have no idea where to go or how to create said outfits. I am going to need someone to dress me. And also to do my hair everyday because I am terrible at it. Can you guys just make that happen for me? Because that would be great.
  7. Pinterest is constantly posting these crockpot meals. For those of you not on it, you basically spend one day cooking and make a months worth of meals that you freeze in freezer bags. Most of them are cooked in the crockpot, but some can be cooked in skillets or lasagnas that are baked, etc. There are one or two little stores around town that do the same thing, but you have to go in and cook it with them and then take it home. I have this business idea (please don't steal it) where I make these meals for people. No processed foods. And I would make you 30 days worth of meals that just needed to be thawed the day before. I would mostly market to moms because I have no idea how they have time to cook. Obviously you could use them as needed or use them everyday. Is this a good idea? I realize that this list is requiring a lot of feedback. Would any of you buy something like this? 
  8. The boy was out with the guys tonight which means I got to eat shrimp! I don't think I have ever told any of you this here, but he refuses to eat any seafood of any kind and hates it when I cook it when he is home. There is a whole hazmat like seafood disposal process I go through. It is ridiculous. The things we do for love.
  9. Election day is almost here and I am nervous. I have already voted, so my part is done. I am just really worried this is going to go south. Friends of mine, sensible friends, disagree with my political standings. I have never before said, hey, one candidate is right and one is wrong before. I have always stood by everybody's right to their own opinion. I disagree in this election. The way Romney feels about women's rights, equal pay, the scares me. It scares me for the future of this country. I make $22,000 a year. I take home $1446 a month. That is just under $18,000 a year. I don't have health insurance because I can't afford it. Nor will anyone give it to me because of my back. I take ZERO government assistance. I pay for all of my medical bills out of pocket, including the astronomical price of birth control. If anything serious happened to me, I would need government assistance to pay for medical bills. I would probably need help paying for food and paying my bills. If anything ever happened to the boy, I would be homeless. (Family or friends would take me in, but this house would be gone.) Not everyone who needs government assistance is a mooch, is immoral, is lazy. Sometimes people just need help. 
  10. The owner of our restaurant owns a firehouse across the street and is in the process of remodeling it to move the restaurant. Part of his plan is to have the guests walk through the kitchen to get to the patio. The kitchen where we make constant dick jokes. Where we call each other mother fuckers. Where we yell and scream and laugh and are so inappropriate it is scary. Making me appropriate for the public is a near impossible task. This is a terrible plan, right? 


MR said...

1. I have no idea how to psychoanalyze a cat. I only do that with humans and they are hard enough. They at least (sometimes) speak though.
2. Don't get me started on Jesus toast. I actually thought people were just kidding about that. Are they...not?
3. I think the menu options are perfect for $50. I find that in circumstances like that price is attached much more to the giving rather than what you're getting for it. Also, no high likelihood for food allergies with that meal. I'd want it to be perfect for my friend as well.
4. I am jealous of your neighbor-friends. My only neighbor-friend is an almost 60yo dude with a much younger and hotter wife who I believe used to work for the Secret Service and who also posted a Mitt sticker on his front door. In Center City Philadelphia.
5. No one forsees those things unless they're neurotic.
6. You don't want me styling you. Seriously. Though if someone could link you to where the items of clothing of each outfit are from that would be great.
7. Pinterest has seriously made me consider buying a crockpot. I have no kids and still don't want to cook for myself. I really really wish I could have homecooked meals. I got a great homemade wild mushroom fagioli down the street yesterday. 12oz for fucking six dollars. I think your idea is genius.
8. Not liking seafood is grounds for break-up. That's all.
9. I'm a social worker. Need I say more to this one? Let's just say, I'm pretty sure that all the normal people in this country breathed a collective sigh of relief last night.
10. That's just an overwhelmingly unfair expectation.

A. I used to write 10 things lists. I stopped. Maybe I should start again.

B. I'm hoping that it isn't super creepy that I just took the time to respond to every single item of yous. I kind of think you rock. And are a major relief from all of those damn Mormon mommy blogs. (No offense to Mormon mommy bloggers. I don't think.)

Erratic said...

Not creepy at all! And now that I found your blog, I will catch up and probably comment on a bunch of old shit. But not now because I have to work. From home. Wasn't this shit supposed to stop once you worked in kitchens? Fucking bullshit.