Sunday, June 10, 2012


I am paralyzed. I don't know why. I woke up this morning with a feeling...a feeling I can't explain. Sometimes this happens. I just can't function. I just don't know how to be.

I had to go into work for an event today and as soon as I got there, I was sent home. There was no reason for me to be there, I guess. This event that I had planned was going to be carried on without me. 

Only to have multiple things go wrong all afternoon, spiraling me further into this funk. There were several angry phone calls that made me feel like a total failure. Even though the guest was happy, as far as I can tell.

I couldn't leave the couch. There is so much to do. So much. And I read 2 1/2 books today, just sitting on the couch. I was invited to super secret supper club and I couldn't gather the energy it took to go. 

I feel raw and I don't know why. I am barely eating, which is just preposterous. I love food. I am drinking too much because it makes me think less. And I can sleep.

I can almost always figure out why I feel like this. The bouts of depression have always had a source. 

I just want to curl in a ball and sleep forever. And I don't know why. All I want is to be excited about everything and I'm not. Well, I am. Deep down I am ecstatic. But, there is that something else, that stupid sadness that just happens sometimes and it won't go away.

I have a video walk through recorded. And multiple posts partially written. I am OK. And I am happy in this new house. 

There is just something else and I have to ride it out before I can start with the gushing posts. I just don't feel gushy. Or talkative at all. I am withdrawing from everyone and I don't really know why. I just know it is what I need for a little while. Hopefully that little while is almost over.

1 comment:

monique said...

Sounds like you are completely overwhelmed.
Hang in there and you will return.