Dating woes

I learned something very important being single in my thirties...there is almost always a reason people are still single in their thirties. Some are perfectly reasonable, like divorce or a break up or some such thing. Some of these people are just fucking crazy. 

What is funny about my dating stories is that all of this happened once I started the new job and man-pants was sort of the person I confided in and vice versa. We would exchange our horrible dating stories and laugh about them, both of us secretly happy it didn't work out. I will say it again, every relationship should start as a friendship. He became one of my closest friends and the transition into a relationship was ridiculously easy and natural. 

On to Erratic's dating horror stories...

I will start with the beer delivery guy. I have known him for some time, he delivered to a restaurant I worked for. We have been facebook friends and text now and then. This was probably the only story I didn't immediately find hilarious because I genuinely had high hopes for this. We talked on and off for several weeks and then decided to grab a beer. It went great. I actually spent New Years Eve on the phone with him for four hours. (I worked until 11) Out of the blue, he told me I was too clingy and needy and it was a huge turn off. Then he not only unfriended me on Facebook, he blocked me. I still have zero clue what happened because I am not clingy nor needy. At all. In fact, I am the polar opposite of both those things. His text (yes, text) said something along the lines of "I have consulted a friend and after much deliberation, despite you being a great kisser, I do not want to persue a relationship with you." I am not entirely sure if I got blown off or just didn't get a job I didn't know I applied for. 

Then there was the chemist who I met at a bar by my house. Really great guy. We went out several times. We made plans one night to cook dinner at my apartment. He was going to grab stuff from the store and meet me here after work. At about 4:00 pm he said he was leaving for the store. I never heard from him again. I know he is fine because he has an iPhone which shows me when a message is read. No explanation, just never heard from him again.

There was the non-date, date. I volunteer at a battered women's shelter and a men's mission. I took one of the guys from the mission to a job interview and then treated him to lunch. I am 99% sure he thought it was a date. Needless to say, I stopped responding to his texts when they got sexual.

There was the guy who literally said nothing the entire date and then got mad when I ended it early. I was called a tease and told that we had great chemistry, I was just too stupid and stuck up to see it. He literally said NOTHING but one word answers to questions I asked. Oh and when I ended it early, he left and stuck me with the bill. 

And I most certainly saved the best for last. I again met this guy at the bar, we exchanged numbers since we were both out with friends. He was incredibly good looking and was a counselor at a shelter for troubled boys. Kind of thought this guy was perfect. We talked on and off for a week - he worked second shift making it difficult to mesh schedules. We finally went out and came back to my apartment to watch a movie. He pulled me into his lap and when I turned to kiss him, he put a finger in front of my lips and said "I don't kiss, but you can suck my dick if you want." Needless to say I threw him out and never spoke to him again. Who does that?

But it all lead me to man-pants, so I suppose it was good to get all the bad ones out of the way. I know I wasn't single long, but I genuinely hope I never have to be single again. Because like Josey said in the comments...sometimes you just know. 

The Neighborhood

What summer brought living on my street was warm nights drinking beer on the stoop. It was support when everyone was sort of falling apart. It was a little family that held each other up. 

This winter has been rough. Freezing cold temperatures, record snow fall, and very little time outside of the house. This brought out a lot of depression amongst the street, myself included. Luckily man-pants came along and made me want to spend all of my time in my apartment. 

Not so much for everyone else. My neighbors lost one of their mothers and have been traveling back and forth to Indiana since Thanksgiving. I can hear them screaming at each other through the floor. 

Another neighbor just stopped taking care of his pets and finally surrendered them to the humane society. He owes two of us so much money we have lost track.

Another neighbor is pretty much drinking 24/7, including at work. He works for me two nights a week for some extra money washing dishes. The first time I have proof he is drinking, I will fire him. I have already decided I do not want him to be a part of my life. 

I am lucky that I do not suffer from mental illness. And I have done everything I can to be there for the neighbors. But I just can't anymore. Our little family is slowly becoming smaller as everyone is coming to the same conclusion that I have. And that is ok. You can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves.

I don't know what spring will bring. I hope it snaps everyone out of this and maybe some friendships can be mended. Maybe they can't. But needless to say, the snow that is coming tomorrow is quite unwelcome. 

The story

When I started at my new job, one of the first things I did was establish a management structure by appointing shift leads. I obviously spent a lot of time with them initially figuring out solutions to the problems that I saw right away. One of those shift leads became a fast friend. We spent a lot of time discussing the issues going on, fixing recipes and even working to come out with a new menu. 

There were feelings there very early on. I sort of refused to acknowledge them. He is the person I confided in when I had a terrible date. I found myself going in to work on my days off, timing it so I was done at the same time he was so we could have our shift drink together. 

He is an artist and offered to paint my apartment. Maybe do some cool graffiti shit in the hallway. He came over to take measurements one day and I invited him to grab a drink at the bar next door. Needless to say, one thing lead to another and just friends we no longer were. 

I freaked out. To the point of almost having a panic attack at work the next day. I was his boss and this was extremely inappropriate. I don't do things like this. I am good at this kind of boundary. We talked and both agreed that these feelings had been there for months; he was actually self aware enough to realize he had them far before that day. I apparently enjoy getting kicked in the face with months worth of feelings all at once. 

We have been seeing each other for about a month. We have not told anyone at work yet, but will probably change that sooner than later. Because this is definitely not a fling. He knows me better than most people in my life and it has been a month. I have never dated anyone I was friends with first and it is quite possibly the only way to go. We were close as friends and being in a relationship magnified that closeness. I can tell him anything and he will still love me. Yes, I said love. We are most definitely in love. I have never experienced anything like this. 

I introduced him to my dad last weekend. We have plans to drive to his hometown so I can meet his parents. Is it fast? Yes. Yes it is. It scares me a little. But then I remember who it is and I am ok with it. Because I have never felt safer with anyone in my entire life. I have never been this content. For the first time I feel like I have a partner, someone always on my side. 

And just to ease everyone's mind, no I can't lose my job. There is no policy against this. And we have already discussed one of us leaving and finding a new job in the company if this gets serious. The owner often dates servers. The hang ups we have are simply because we both want people at work to respect us and are scared that will change if this comes out. 

So there you have it. The story of the new man in my life, who we will call man-pants. Because his term of endearment for me is lady-pants. Or just lady. As I write this, he is asleep on my shoulder. We have a very rare day off together and are cooking dinner for the neighbors. But even if we weren't, we would be together. It's weird for me, to want to spend this much time with someone. And I wouldn't change a thing.

I'm Alive!

I am not done with this blog. I swear, I'm not. Several things are going on here. First of all, I haven't had a laptop for months. First the power cord died, then something screwy is going on with the login and I haven't had time to go to the apple store. I also, you know, ended a relationship, moved and started a job in a month. This space didn't feel the safest to talk about what all of that meant to me. Most people who know me well, the boy included, read this blog. And what I have been going through is deeply personal and I didn't want to share it here. It feels like, for the first time, I am on the other side of that. I can talk about it, talk about what has been going on with me. It will just have to be from the app on my phone for the time being. Because I miss being here. I miss writing. I miss all of you. Those of you that have blogs, I have been loyally reading and, as per usual, not commenting. But I've been here, lurking in the shadows and biding my time until I feel whole enough to be back. And back I am. 

The new job is not just going well, it is fantastic. I feel in my element every single day. I am good at this, at running a kitchen. Every job I have ever had in a kitchen my hands have been tied and I wasn't able to make any of the decisions. Now I can and it is awesome. I feel like all of the things I am doing and decisions I  am making are making the restaurant better for my staff and for the customers. It's a good feeling. And for the most part, the staff likes me. That is also a very good feeling. 

I was dating for a while, if you can even call it that. I met some awesome people I didn't click with and some TERRIBLE people. There will be a blog post all on it's own for erratics dating mishaps. My pain is your amusement. I am no longer dating because I met someone. And, yes it is soon and yes that scares me a little, but you guys. He is wonderful. And he deserves his very own post so that is all you get for now. 

The neighborhood family is having some trouble right now, which I will also save for it's own post. But with the addition of some new members, we are still going strong. I love, love my street no matter how crazy it can get. 

The holidays were very hard for me. There was a lot of the family talking behind my back about me being newly single blah blah. It was extremely hurtful and I wish they had come to me and asked rather than jumping to conclusions about where my life is headed. It definitely put some distance between me and everybody which is equally hurtful. I did not need that on top of everything else. I obviously am not going to post the details here, but the comments that got back to me made me question a lot of relationships in the first place. Why do people do that? Kick you when you are down? Isn't it easier, and infinitely kinder, to just say, "I don't know what happened, I am so sorry it did, and if you need to talk I am here." Not one person, aside from my father, asked what happened. And that's fine, I understand not wanting to pry, but then discussing my future behind my back certainly isn't appropriate. Needless to say I picked up every shift I could so I wasn't around and just buried myself in work. 

So that is the summary, I guess. More posts coming soon as promised! It feels good to be back.