Tuesday, February 19, 2013

The sarcasm is dripping from this one...

I heard something on a show today that got me thinking. The quote was, "No matter who you are, be the best version of you that you can be."

I thought, well, shit. Those are words to live by. I should absolutely be the best...slow the fuck up. No. What if the best version of you is a sociopath that kills small children? I don't want you to be THE BEST at that. I absolutely want you to be the worst. The absolute worst.

Because, here is the thing. Yes, we should absolutely lift people up. We should help them be the best version of themselves. But, we should also let them fail. And learn failure. We should let them hurt so they become strong. We should stop coddling everyone and make 1000 motivational posters that just say, look, suck it the fuck up and move on. The grass is still shitty on the other side. But, you can fertilize it and water it and take care of it and make it awesome. Walking to the other side is just going to give you more shitty grass. Staring longingly at what you can have and wishing it true is not a way to live a life. Make it the fuck happen. (note: self, listen to this when you are all whiney and sad)

On that note...10 incredibly unmotivated takes on motivation.

 Unless your idea of living like you will die tomorrow is jumping off a bridge. Really, you should be more careful. 
 Now I am locked away in a cabin with the kind of people that don't kill you. They keep you. 
 But, please make sure to do it from the 500 feet the restraining order requires. And for the love of God, stop sending severed doll heads in the mail. It's just weird.
 Except for all the things I am still going to do that they are doing. Like drive a car. Or breathe. Or eat food. Or shake my head in disgust at the people of Jersey Shore while secretly following every single thing they do.
 Presumably the unemployment line? This sounds like a terrible line. She should stand in a line between super gay and happy guy and person with adorable pictures of kittens. Nobody can be unhappy with either of those situations.
 Unless you are actually ordinary. Then you should stop turning away everyone while throwing expensive tea cups at the door screaming about how not ordinary you are. I mean, somebody actually has to be ordinary. That's how it works.
 "Honey, your ass looks like a beached whale and that top makes you look like a snake that is trying to digest a small child." Now tell me to hurt you with the truth. Bring on the comfort.
 THANK YOU. I am now going to stop cleaning my house, putting gas in my car, paying bills, and going to work. Inspirational quotes are the best.
 Life is for a drunken one night stand? Or life is an awesome trip? Or...fill in any other drug induced experience here. 
This is only a positive thing if I get to preview the eyes I am seeing myself through. Because if this is that chick at the grocery store who totally saw some crack when I dropped my wallet and was wearing sweat pants...I'll pass. She means a different kind of special.

1 comment:

Kristen said...

LMAO. Love this post!