Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Is that an elbow or are you just happy to see me?

Tonight the boy had his first sleep study. See, we have a bit of a problem in the Erratic house. Mainly that I am pretty sure he is going to die in his sleep of snoring. Like, maybe scaring himself to death? Mostly that he stops breathing. It has caused a tad bit of tension in the Erratic household. An average night in our house goes something like this:

The boy goes to bed.

I go to bed 2 - 3 hours later, because I am a night kind of gal. The boy is snoring. I try to listen and see if he stops breathing. I can't tell because the sound of the snoring drowns it all out.

I lightly shake him awake and ask him to roll on his side, where the volume goes from deafening to irritating.

I start to fall asleep. The boy rolls on his back and begins sawing logs.

I roll over and somewhat less gently suggest that he roll over and stop snoring.

I fall asleep. The boy rolls on his back and Pearl Harbor is reenacted next to me on the bed.

I use my elbows (the sharpest elbows in the Midwest, I might add. Challenge me sometime. I will win. They are like daggers.) to gently suggest that he roll the fuck over.

I start to fall asleep. He starts snoring.

I begin kicking him and raising my voice slightly while kindly suggesting that if he doesn't roll the fuck over I will kill him in his sleep.

I am angry and wide awake. Every time he makes a noise, I say something like "shut up or die" until one of us gives up and goes somewhere else to sleep.

The next day I am all pissy because I have not slept and he is all pissy because for some strange reason his body is covered in bruises the shape of my elbow. Huh. Must be a coincidence.

All evening I have been getting text messages of pictures of his room and then pictures of him covered in probe things that I assume mean he got abducted by aliens and will return with knowledge that will one day save the world. I am just hoping the aliens have some kind of miracle anti-snore drug. And maybe some elbow pads.

1 comment:

Big Jed said...

I hope everything went well. If not, just put a sock in his mouth next time. Yes, I still love you, Boy :)