Monday, May 13, 2013

Mother's Day...A Day in the Life

Is it weird that when thinking of blog posts, I often start them with "hey, y'all" in my mind? Which is weird mostly because I have never said the phrase y'all in my life..

Hey, y'all. 

We are going to play a game. It is called a day in the life of the small town I work in. Let's go with, oh, you know, today.

I wake up at 8 am (YES I REALIZE THIS IS NOT EARLY TO PEOPLE WITH REAL JOBS, STOP JUDGING ME.)

I drive to a restaurant wholesale store. I realize I forget a case of heavy cream at home. The boy must meet me.

I drive into work. 

The first thing said to me is, "As far as the apocalypse goes, what comes after fire and flood?"

I immediately respond, "locusts," because, duh.

Then my brain catches up and says, wait, WHAT? 

The oven caught on fire. Then they flooded the kitchen. 

We start working. I make 30 manicotti (have I mentioned how much I hate Italian food?)

We get an order for 24 manicotti.

I make 30 more manicotti.

We get an order for 18 manicotti.

I try to stab myself with manicotti. Too limp. They won't let me near the knives.

I make approximately 7 BILLION stuffed mushrooms. 

I eat a sliced cucumber. One slice. We will call this lunch.

The church crowd shows up, sans reservations. We are booked. Very non-church like sentiments are expressed.

We run out of chicken parms. We frantically prep chicken parms.

The oven stops working.

I start cutting the prime rib and eat every scrap. We will call this dinner. 

I become delirious and am banished to salads. For 30 seconds until they all realize delirious me is better than everyone else. 

I am secretly told that my sous chef (!!!) is dating a front of the house supervisor (!!!) and that her ex boyfriend has just entered the building with a loaded gun. 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And he is pissed.

Authorities called. Situation managed. 

I drive home, having worked 25 hours in 2 days. 

Thursday. I get a day off on Thursday.

Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers....by all definition of the word. Past, present, future, hopeful. 

Oh, and tip your servers. They are so much nicer to the kitchen when they are tipped well.

3 comments:

J o s e y said...

LOL, I often write/think "y'all" as well. You're not alone. :)

Starting this Sunday I'm going to work doubles at the local restaurant (6:45am-close, which is 10ish I think). Hoping I don't kill myself. I miss serving, but the bar manager who trained me is the DOUCHIEST DOUCHE I have ever met - little worried about my ability to control myself with him. He was trying to make me write down orders HIS way when I've been doing this for 8 yeas and we put it in a computer to go to the kitchen anyway. *@($&!(

monique said...

Could you send some manicotti to Western Maryland?

Erratic said...

Monique...I don't think Manicotti ships well. I will promise you the best manicotti ever if you happen to be in Ohio.

Josey...there is nothing worse than front of house managers who are self involved ass hats. Make friends with the kitchen and let them exact revenge for you. :)