Moving on

I can't even begin to explain how out of control the dishonesty has escalated at work. I am debating between telling my owner, who will surely fire me or just finding a new job and giving one hell of an exit interview. So many people I trusted and considered friends have betrayed me. I feel like a scapegoat....like everything is going to be blamed on me. When I have done literally nothing. I have never encountered this level of deceit and dishonesty before. I have never met such terrible people in my life. 

I feel like I am just naive and trust people I shouldn't. I feel like I should watch my back constantly. I have never been easy to trust, but am I now doing it too easily? Am I just assuming people are honest when they are actually complete fucking dicks? 

My world feels a little upside down. 

I am hurt 

I am pissed

I am vengeful

I want to burn the restaurant to the ground and cartoon character style laugh maniacally over the ashes. 

Not really. 

I spent some time with a staff member tonight who told me soooo much. She is definitely been a good friend through all of this and put the final nail in the coffin on some things I suspected. 

I need out. 

It's not a safe environment for me anymore. 

I put these people, this company on a pedestal for so many years. Have frequented their restaurants for a decade. 

It's been a really long, hard, painful fall from the top. 

Bourbon on the rocks...with a lime please

Things aren't great right now. Not in a tangible way either. I can't say, well, this one thing is not going well. It's just a series of a lot of things that aren't going as expected. A lot of SURPRISE! this is not happening the way you expected kind of things. I find myself frustrated a lot. I find myself angry and upset a lot. This is not normal for me. It is not the way I want things to go.

I can't go into a whole lot of detail about the work stuff, but there is a possible law suit and a completely unrelated possibility that I could be fired for bringing it to the attention of management that one of their managers (not me, of course) is stealing.

Just mother fucking ugh.

Plus we are maybe moving, we don't know, because people are flaky. And man-pants is maybe getting a new job, we don't know because nobody ever knows with that shit.

And my dog will only poop for me.

And the cat won't stop meowing at all hours of the night.

AND THERE IS A SMELL AND NO AMOUNT OF FIND THAT SMELL IS WORKING.

I hate find that smell.

I said goodbye to a friend of 15 years two days ago. I have talked about him, but never gave him a name here. It doesn't matter who he is, he became toxic in my life and I refuse to allow someone like that to continue being in my life.

I want positivity and happiness and GOOD. And right now the universe is throwing me a bunch of negative and bad.

Sometimes it gets so overwhelming, I have to walk to my car and just take some deep breaths. And remind myself that I am happy and healthy and good. 

Sometimes life hands you lemons...and I say fuck that, I want limes and make a mother fucking cocktail.