Perhaps a fedora?

This is going to be random. Prepare for it.

I have recently been faced with several situations where I want someone to dislike me. These are relationships that are intertwined enough with people I care about that I can not openly express my dislike for the other person. However, they are in my life enough that I can't just pretend they do not exist. Therefore, I have decided to start some very bizarre rumors about myself. The people who know me will think, oh, that Erratic, always up to something. And they will love me anyway.

It's like that crazy uncle you have known all your life who does and says weird things that are borderline offensive and you just sort of laugh and walk away rolling your eyes. But, if you just met that crazy uncle? You would run. Far and fast. This plan is virtually flawless.

Here are a few examples of rumors I plan to start:

1. I am a taxidermist in my spare time and have been known to pull over to grab roadkill.
2. I eat my own hair.
3. I have a crippling fear of radishes and will sob openly at the mere sight of one.
4. I admit I misunderstood the term "neighborhood watch" but the restraining orders are a bit harsh.
5. I am batman.

If I am ever forced to go out with these people, I will don strange hats and randomly grab people, shake them, and ask if they know where their children are. Then I will tell them where they can get free samples of food within a one mile radius. You laugh, but the last part actually happened to me once. At an outlet mall.

This should sufficiently scare these people off while having absolutely no effect on my everyday life. I am telling you - flawless.