Something I just need to say.

When I tell people I am getting a cat with two large dogs, they generally think I am crazy. Or irresponsible. Or any number of negative things. So, I am going to need to go ahead and climb up on my soap box for a moment. Feel free to skip this if you are not a die-hard, bleeding heart lover of animals.

Neil Catrick Harris is the kitten of a feral cat, meaning it is not domesticated. I have dealt with feral animals before, so I do have some experience in this. Not a lot, and not really in my own home, but I still understand how their instincts differ from a regular animals and how to adjust to that. I have never owned a cat, lived with a cat, or spent any significant amount of time with cats, so their behavior I am unfamiliar with. Don't worry, books are on the way. Along with hours and hours of Internet research that started tonight by reaching out to my Facebook and Twitter friends.

I like animals a lot more than I like people. The boy is a cat person, I am a dog person. I am allergic to both, which is whatever. They have drugs. I refuse to live a life that is void of animals. I refuse.

Last night, I got home from school and just started vomiting. No reason, I didn't even feel bad. Just like, oh, vomit. Then a serious fever hit for about an hour, I fell asleep, and woke up shortly after just fine. The entire time and the rest of the night, Shorty sat on the floor right by me. He gave me kisses and cuddles from time to time, but mostly he just stood guard.

When I cry, they curl up in my lap and just let me hug them. I find it hard to sleep without a dog against my back. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the dog pile, when both dogs just sprawl their whole bodies across you and you all nap. There is usually an elbow in the spleen, but it's worth it. I adore the pure joy they get out of a tennis ball, a rawhide, or just a walk around the block. I love how happy they are to see you. No matter how bad of a mood you are in, their little butts are wagging uncontrollably.

I have volunteered for various animal shelters and have attended obedience school with a certain dog of short stature who is rotten.

I believe that people who abuse animals are the cruelest most hateful people who have ever existed.

I cry my fucking eyes out at Sarah McLaughlin commercials. I hate it when people are prejudice against animals, especially breeds of animals, because other people have bred them to have undesirable traits.

I. FUCKING. LOVE. ANIMALS.

I am prepared to approach my kitten the same way I have my dogs. Tons of information, even more love, and patience. OK, probably not patience. But, lots of love to make up for it. This kitty will eat the best food, shit in the best kitty litter, have the best toys, and more love than it could ever possibly need.

Is it the best decision I have ever made? No, probably not. But, these kitties need a home and I am a big softy, so here we are.

I still want an otter.

Millions Lost at the Zoo

So....the boy took me to the zoo for their Valentines event. All in all, it was interesting. I learned far more about the mating habits of animals than I thought I would ever know. Including watching two rhino's have sex on video. And there are two things you need to know about rhino's having sex.

1. They aren't very good at it. Let me tell you, there is far more trying than succeeding. Five minutes in, I wanted to ask the zoo keepers why they didn't just intervene. I mean, if a 16 year old guy was struggling this much and lacked opposable thumbs, he would be grateful for a buddy guiding things along, if you catch my drift.

2. Rhino's are hung like...well...rhinos. Seriously. It sort of resembles a very long, not so erect sausage. I mean, picture straightening some kielbasa. And that is the poor bastard all the other rhinos make fun of for being small. I am no longer going to say hung like a horse. I will now say, hung like a rhino. But less floppy.

There was a lot of good too. We got to see a lot of behind the scenes stuff at the zoo. We had a pretty good meal, talked to some interesting people, and won an award shaped like the penis bone found in most mammals. You know, over all, a very run of the mill night. As the animal portion of events was winding down, we got to have some one on one interaction with the animals. And no, you dirty minded readers, that does not mean what you think. We got to pet a baby kangaroo and see some baby leopard's up close. More importantly, a Civet climbed on my back. It hurt, I am not going to lie. But, the thing was cute as shit. And I wanted one. Because, frankly, who wouldn't?

So, after the Civet climbs on me, I ask the boy the name of the animal. He doesn't remember. I don't remember. Panic ensues. HOW WILL I CAPTION THE PICTURES? Thank you Google! Only Google betrayed me...Google told me things I did not want to know. Like the fact that Civets are responsible for Kopi Luwak, the most expensive coffee EVER. And you know how they make it? They eat it, and then they shit it. They literally shit the best coffee in the world. Astounded, party of one.

So, naturally, I think what would happen if I stole a Civet? Nobody at the zoo was paying attention. I could have discreetly put said Civet in my purse and sauntered out innocently. I could have made millions. But, no, they never tell you at the zoo that the animal crawling on your back is shitting money.

And the boy was worried I would steal a baby animal and get us both arrested. I bet he wouldn't have complained when our coffee-eating buddy literally shit out millions. I have entrepreneur written all over me.